**Warning** This may not be PG. This may not be PC. This may cause me to lose readers, gain readers, or cause nothing at all. This is what I've been talking about- the start of something different.
I'm sitting here with a glass of wine (**gasp**, she drinks!!) contemplating things that you can't even imagine, Internet. The carpets are shampooed, the kids are fed and bathed, the cats are sleeping, playing... you get the drift. My shit is together, right now. And yet... it isn't.
I've been thinking a lot about compassion, tolerance, acceptance, etc., the last few weeks. As the parent of a child with special needs (for you newbies, my 7 year old son has autism, and Early Onset Bipolar Disorder) you come across a LOT of ignorance, intolerance and outright cruelty. It's almost expected with other kids- kids can be mean, especially when another child is different. When it's NOT a kid is when I have a problem. Ignorance breeds ignorance, and unfortunately, there is a lot of that where we are. Blame lack of education (look it up), misinformation (ask me) or fear (it's not contagious, asshole)- but it's still wrong. My son has been called "a crazy", "goofy", "dippy" and more words that I can't even bear to put down here. By adults. That have children. Who live in my neighborhood. Where is the compassion?
I have a friend who was in a severe car accident on her way to work as a nurse in an assisted living facility. There was over $10,000 worth of damage to her vehicle (she was hit by a large truck). She was treated for cervical strain, given medications and follow up visits, and could barely move her neck arms or back for a week. She was fired for missing work- on the day of the accident. The company is now fighting unemployment. After firing her, causing her to lose her insurance and adding stress to an already devastating situation. She is a single woman raising a toddler. Who does such a thing? Where is the compassion?
When did we stop thinking outside ourselves? When did it become so "me, me MEEEE" that it's impossible to look at another human being-even a stranger- and realize that unless we live in their homes, walk in their shoes, and deal with their issues every single day, we have no idea what we're talking about, or doing, when we point our self righteous fingers and call ourselves "better"? No one is better. No one. We all got here the same way, and we will all make the same exit. Who we are inside is what counts-that's where your beauty lies- and I've seen a lot of ugly people lately, when it comes to having the heart to take a minute and just be kind. Or decent. Or even humane.
I'm not innocent here, either. I've been judgmental, I've been hateful... we all are at times. We're human. But it astounds me the lack of genuine compassion that there is anymore. We're so busy, so focused on ourselves that we don't look left or right to lend even a smile when someone is down. And that Internet? Sucks.
That sort of thinking leads me down some roads I didn't plan on taking. Confused? Join the club. I want to make a difference, I want to see change... and those things start at home. I'm getting my house in order, taking stock of choices, chances and changes. Some need to be made. Not on a whim, not for a minute... some need to be made. Starting with me. I need to look outside myself, my fears, wants, needs... some things cannot be about me. No matter how I want them to, they just can't.
I want my kids to be compassionate, respectful, and open to everything. I want them to see the world as an adventure- I want them to be excited to learn new things, meet new people, and to see "different" as something special. I want them to accept responsibillity for their actions, and to realize they can't conrtol anything but themselves. I don't want them to see labels, ever. I don't want them believing for a second that they're better than anyone- or that someone is strange because of belief, race, or who they love. Acceptance. We really are one world... why can't we teach our kids that? Different makes it interesting.
I know. A lot of rambling thoughts that may not really mesh, but they do, for me. And I hope in some ways they do for you. Who are we to say anything about anyone else? We all have our skeletons, our vices, and our pasts. Today. Today is what matters. We can't change what has been, but it's on us what will be.
Now, the question is- which way do you want to go?
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
6/14/09
4/2/09
One of These Days..
One of these days, maybe you'll understand that not meeting your eyes isn't me being rude; it's part of who I am.
Maybe you'll see that I'm not deaf, dumb or blind to your emotions and thoughts- I don't understand why you ignore me, avoid me or think less of me... but I know when you do, and it hurts.
One of these days, you may realize my routine is what keeps me functioning, and when you surprise me, sometimes that's scary, and I react badly.
I know my triggers, know when I need to step away, but sometimes not in time. I'm not disruptive for fun, or to be mean- sometimes, I simply can't help myself.
Maybe, one of these days, I will be recognized, by everyone, as more than a "problem", a "brat", an "issue" or "not normal". What is normal, anyway? To me, none of you seem very normal- I couldn't do things the way you do, even if I tried. And I do- most of you just don't notice me doing it.
I'm not attention seeking. I don't ask to be looked at any more than I ask to be looked over. I believe, fully, in the people around me- everyone is a friend. I have the purest heart and soul you could ever find in a person.... yet I make you uncomfortable, uneasy.
I am not a brat, a burden, or weird. I am autistic. You can learn about me, if you take the time. Learn my quirks, see that there is more to me than a diagnosis. I have a personailty- I'm funny, witty and full of life. You can learn about my condition by asking my family, or even taking a minute to look it up. And most of all, you can pay attention to me when I smile at you, or try to engage you in conversation. I have autism. Don't worry, it isn't contagious.
**April is Autism Awareness Month. Please take time to learn more about this condition.
I wrote this to open some eyes, and also because I know someone out there will read this and know exactly what I'm talking about. It's too easy to dismiss a special needs child- I see it every day. And as a mom, it's my job to change the thinking of those in my son's life. So, educate yourself, or others. Offer support, or help someone to find it. Believe me, one shoulder can make all the difference in the world- maybe that can be you.
Autism Speaks
Autism Society of America
Maybe you'll see that I'm not deaf, dumb or blind to your emotions and thoughts- I don't understand why you ignore me, avoid me or think less of me... but I know when you do, and it hurts.
One of these days, you may realize my routine is what keeps me functioning, and when you surprise me, sometimes that's scary, and I react badly.
I know my triggers, know when I need to step away, but sometimes not in time. I'm not disruptive for fun, or to be mean- sometimes, I simply can't help myself.
Maybe, one of these days, I will be recognized, by everyone, as more than a "problem", a "brat", an "issue" or "not normal". What is normal, anyway? To me, none of you seem very normal- I couldn't do things the way you do, even if I tried. And I do- most of you just don't notice me doing it.
I'm not attention seeking. I don't ask to be looked at any more than I ask to be looked over. I believe, fully, in the people around me- everyone is a friend. I have the purest heart and soul you could ever find in a person.... yet I make you uncomfortable, uneasy.
I am not a brat, a burden, or weird. I am autistic. You can learn about me, if you take the time. Learn my quirks, see that there is more to me than a diagnosis. I have a personailty- I'm funny, witty and full of life. You can learn about my condition by asking my family, or even taking a minute to look it up. And most of all, you can pay attention to me when I smile at you, or try to engage you in conversation. I have autism. Don't worry, it isn't contagious.
**April is Autism Awareness Month. Please take time to learn more about this condition.
I wrote this to open some eyes, and also because I know someone out there will read this and know exactly what I'm talking about. It's too easy to dismiss a special needs child- I see it every day. And as a mom, it's my job to change the thinking of those in my son's life. So, educate yourself, or others. Offer support, or help someone to find it. Believe me, one shoulder can make all the difference in the world- maybe that can be you.
Autism Speaks
Autism Society of America
3/23/09
A Cleansing Breath....
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
OK, that works SO much better than a deep breath. For me, anyway. I've been taking a self imposed hiatus from the net lately, mainly because we've been battling these God awful chest colds that seem to have no intention of going anywhere, and by the time the rest of my coughers are asleep, I want nothing more than a hot bath, hot tea and bed.
But, I've also been spending more time just being, you know what I mean? Doing things, little things, to make things easier. Someone has to. And it's started to make things run a little more on the even keel I've craved and not had for so long. So, if that means less time online, I'm all for it.
But I do miss you, Internet. Not like I thought I would maybe, but I do. I'm not abandoning you, I'm just taking more time to balance what I need to and reconfigure some of the aspects of life that weren't working. Or were, but not the way they could be. And I need to figure out how much of that is me, then go from there.
Miss Lyss had a birthday last week, so there's a birthday post coming, I promise. Pics and all :) She got a few things she really wanted and I made her a chocolate cake that went over so well, she didn't want a bakery cake for her get together this weekend. She requested homemade again... made my day!
We are having some struggles with Jake and school again, so please keep your fingers crossed for the next little while. Nothing like before, but some behavior issues and ups and downs that are starting to keep things from being as balanced as they were. I'm stressin' here, on a lot of levels, and I'm not sure where to go with it, you know? Writing about it helps, but there's so much that can't really be said, either because I can't find the words, or I can't put some things out there. So, just think of us, would ya? On all levels.
I may post sporadically for the next little bit, but I'm not going anywhere. I just need some time to get my mind right (ha) and doing that isn't as easy as I want it to be. But, the best things don't come easy, and I'm not one to back down when I'm facing a challenge. Even a self imposed challenge. So, bear with me and keep checking back. I'll be around!
OK, that works SO much better than a deep breath. For me, anyway. I've been taking a self imposed hiatus from the net lately, mainly because we've been battling these God awful chest colds that seem to have no intention of going anywhere, and by the time the rest of my coughers are asleep, I want nothing more than a hot bath, hot tea and bed.
But, I've also been spending more time just being, you know what I mean? Doing things, little things, to make things easier. Someone has to. And it's started to make things run a little more on the even keel I've craved and not had for so long. So, if that means less time online, I'm all for it.
But I do miss you, Internet. Not like I thought I would maybe, but I do. I'm not abandoning you, I'm just taking more time to balance what I need to and reconfigure some of the aspects of life that weren't working. Or were, but not the way they could be. And I need to figure out how much of that is me, then go from there.
Miss Lyss had a birthday last week, so there's a birthday post coming, I promise. Pics and all :) She got a few things she really wanted and I made her a chocolate cake that went over so well, she didn't want a bakery cake for her get together this weekend. She requested homemade again... made my day!
We are having some struggles with Jake and school again, so please keep your fingers crossed for the next little while. Nothing like before, but some behavior issues and ups and downs that are starting to keep things from being as balanced as they were. I'm stressin' here, on a lot of levels, and I'm not sure where to go with it, you know? Writing about it helps, but there's so much that can't really be said, either because I can't find the words, or I can't put some things out there. So, just think of us, would ya? On all levels.
I may post sporadically for the next little bit, but I'm not going anywhere. I just need some time to get my mind right (ha) and doing that isn't as easy as I want it to be. But, the best things don't come easy, and I'm not one to back down when I'm facing a challenge. Even a self imposed challenge. So, bear with me and keep checking back. I'll be around!
11/7/08
Proving My Point
Dear Principal of Elementary School My Son Currently Attends,
Thank you so much for taking the time this morning to prove me right about you, your school, and the horrible situation my child has endured since he stepped foot into your building. He has been assaulted by another student, falsely accused of sexual behavior when it was actually another child (who, by the way, got punched in the junk by my kid twice because he didn't like the other kid feeling him up... never did do anything about that, huh?) , verbally, emotionally and physically abused by a teacher (the same one who refused to send home forms regarding his medical records and lunch choice- my kid almost didn't get to eat) who is the ONLY person in the entire history of Jake's school career (including the aides in her room all day, every day) who has ever seen or heard things "sexual" or "inappropriate" from my child.
Yesterday, I spoke to Jake's caseworker, who observed him in his new classes at your school. She got glowing reviews about his academic performance (he's doing 2nd grade math), and glowing reports about his behavior. He is a "typical kindergartner" when it comes to behavior, and these same teacher expressed confusion over the "behaviors" he was supposedly exhibiting in another class. Things they were looking for? Have never materialized. He is bright, he is a joy, he is a wonderful child. His IEP is not being followed, but requests have been made, by his aide, on his behalf for the therapy he is not recieving... even though you claim you follow IEPS to the letter. Of course you do, since it's the law, and you are such an honest individual.
I appreciate you taking the time to corner J this morning when he dropped Jake off at school. To tell him of Jake's behavior issues. since he stuck his tongue out someone yesterday. To offer to call the teacher you wouldn't give a name) to your office to tell "her side of the story". I also appreciate your feeling that he isn't getting his needs met in his current class setting, and needs to be moved back to his original classroom. You know, since the whole shaking, jerking thing never happened. Same for the screaming in his face. So he can go back... fantastic plan! Obviously nothing happened, since it had to be set up to make that teacher turn and go in an opposite direction if she and Jake were in the same location, because of his obvious fear and worry. Same for keeping her away from the bus at the end of the day....obviously he's a liar, because he was suddenly afraid to go to the bus. Same for the vomiting, wetting his pants and his bed, the crying and rages, and the sudden on set of panic attacks. It's quite obvious that nothing negative happened while in this bitch.. er, teacher's... care.
I also appreciate you telling J how manipulative Jake is, how much trouble he has with his work, how he doesn't want to do it (he works very well with small breaks to recharge, he's at his level and above academically, and he loves to do classwork according to his teachers???). I think it's wonderful for you to take the time to first state he needs to be in special education full time, because of his issues.. and then when corrected and told of the conversation with his caseworker, state that he needs to be in regular kindergarten, without an aide.... in a different school. The school we've wanted to move him to since the first week of school... remember, when you were so concerned about his tooth being busted that you never looked into it?
It went over very well when you brought up the "unfortunate" mistaken identity incident and attempted to apologize for it. After calling my child a liar and a manipulator. I wonder how it felt when J told you that there was absolutely no circumstance when Jake would be anywhere near (insert abusive shrew of teacher's name here) again. Non negotiable. Apparently, it went well enough that you suggested he move schools.
So, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to prove everything I have stated since working with you and your school. You are untrustworthy, you are an ass covering liar who does not have anyone's best interest at heart but making yourself look good. You never have cared about my child's education or his physical, emotional, or academic well being while in your building. Your motives were crystal clear this morning- he either goes back to the classroom where he was frightened and not progressing, or he leaves your building.
I believe this states without a doubt that you want him to fail- have set him up to fail. It must chap your ass that this has been avoided at every turn- because I won't allow it to happen. Let's move him, then.. we all want that. Even Jake, who has begged not to have to come back to your school. Daily.
We will have our IEP meeting. I will make very specific notes to be added. He WILL move schools. And then, we will never have to deal with one another again, in a school setting (insert evil smile)
I know I am repeating myself, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your actions this morning. It proves so much to me, as well as his advocates. Especially since I warned them that setting up an IEP, or going to observe him would cause him problems. every time, something negative has happened. And what did you do? Reacted as I knew you would- thank you for being so consistent!!
I hope you are happy with the way you have treated each of these incidents, and can justify them to others, as well as yourself. You'll have to forgive me if as I leave your building with my son for the last time, I stick out my tongue.
After all, the kid must get his issues from someone, right?
Thank you so much for taking the time this morning to prove me right about you, your school, and the horrible situation my child has endured since he stepped foot into your building. He has been assaulted by another student, falsely accused of sexual behavior when it was actually another child (who, by the way, got punched in the junk by my kid twice because he didn't like the other kid feeling him up... never did do anything about that, huh?) , verbally, emotionally and physically abused by a teacher (the same one who refused to send home forms regarding his medical records and lunch choice- my kid almost didn't get to eat) who is the ONLY person in the entire history of Jake's school career (including the aides in her room all day, every day) who has ever seen or heard things "sexual" or "inappropriate" from my child.
Yesterday, I spoke to Jake's caseworker, who observed him in his new classes at your school. She got glowing reviews about his academic performance (he's doing 2nd grade math), and glowing reports about his behavior. He is a "typical kindergartner" when it comes to behavior, and these same teacher expressed confusion over the "behaviors" he was supposedly exhibiting in another class. Things they were looking for? Have never materialized. He is bright, he is a joy, he is a wonderful child. His IEP is not being followed, but requests have been made, by his aide, on his behalf for the therapy he is not recieving... even though you claim you follow IEPS to the letter. Of course you do, since it's the law, and you are such an honest individual.
I appreciate you taking the time to corner J this morning when he dropped Jake off at school. To tell him of Jake's behavior issues. since he stuck his tongue out someone yesterday. To offer to call the teacher you wouldn't give a name) to your office to tell "her side of the story". I also appreciate your feeling that he isn't getting his needs met in his current class setting, and needs to be moved back to his original classroom. You know, since the whole shaking, jerking thing never happened. Same for the screaming in his face. So he can go back... fantastic plan! Obviously nothing happened, since it had to be set up to make that teacher turn and go in an opposite direction if she and Jake were in the same location, because of his obvious fear and worry. Same for keeping her away from the bus at the end of the day....obviously he's a liar, because he was suddenly afraid to go to the bus. Same for the vomiting, wetting his pants and his bed, the crying and rages, and the sudden on set of panic attacks. It's quite obvious that nothing negative happened while in this bitch.. er, teacher's... care.
I also appreciate you telling J how manipulative Jake is, how much trouble he has with his work, how he doesn't want to do it (he works very well with small breaks to recharge, he's at his level and above academically, and he loves to do classwork according to his teachers???). I think it's wonderful for you to take the time to first state he needs to be in special education full time, because of his issues.. and then when corrected and told of the conversation with his caseworker, state that he needs to be in regular kindergarten, without an aide.... in a different school. The school we've wanted to move him to since the first week of school... remember, when you were so concerned about his tooth being busted that you never looked into it?
It went over very well when you brought up the "unfortunate" mistaken identity incident and attempted to apologize for it. After calling my child a liar and a manipulator. I wonder how it felt when J told you that there was absolutely no circumstance when Jake would be anywhere near (insert abusive shrew of teacher's name here) again. Non negotiable. Apparently, it went well enough that you suggested he move schools.
So, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to prove everything I have stated since working with you and your school. You are untrustworthy, you are an ass covering liar who does not have anyone's best interest at heart but making yourself look good. You never have cared about my child's education or his physical, emotional, or academic well being while in your building. Your motives were crystal clear this morning- he either goes back to the classroom where he was frightened and not progressing, or he leaves your building.
I believe this states without a doubt that you want him to fail- have set him up to fail. It must chap your ass that this has been avoided at every turn- because I won't allow it to happen. Let's move him, then.. we all want that. Even Jake, who has begged not to have to come back to your school. Daily.
We will have our IEP meeting. I will make very specific notes to be added. He WILL move schools. And then, we will never have to deal with one another again, in a school setting (insert evil smile)
I know I am repeating myself, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your actions this morning. It proves so much to me, as well as his advocates. Especially since I warned them that setting up an IEP, or going to observe him would cause him problems. every time, something negative has happened. And what did you do? Reacted as I knew you would- thank you for being so consistent!!
I hope you are happy with the way you have treated each of these incidents, and can justify them to others, as well as yourself. You'll have to forgive me if as I leave your building with my son for the last time, I stick out my tongue.
After all, the kid must get his issues from someone, right?
11/2/08
Reality Bites
Sometimes, when things don't go as planned, it really is a kick in the guts. Even when you were expecting it, you still hold out hope that sometimes, someone will simply do the right thing. Not the political thing, or the whatever the bigger guy wants.. but just the right thing. Hell, I wonder if anyone even knows what that is anymore.
We're planning a new IEP meeting for Jake. For those in the dark, IEP stands for Individualized Education Program. It's a tool used for kids with a variety of needs, physical as well as emotional, to ensure their needs are met in school. Jake's needs an update (or just followed, really) so that's what we're doing. I'm calling for the meeting, not the school. there are areas in the IEP that need erased as well as those that simply need revamped a little (like the supervision in line thing that no one did for the two weeks after it was written in... ). To NOT follow an IEP is breaking a written legal agreement. But at this point I think they could throw Jake under the school bus, with a hundred witnesses, and it wouldn't be their fault.
I've been told i need to open better lines of communication with the school. Tell me how to do that when no one returns phone calls, shows up at set meetings, or even bothers to follow the written words of former meetings? I do not trust the school. I do not trust the district. I do not feel comfortable calling there, when nothing is ever done as it is scheduled to be.
But, I'm going to do what I need to... what that is, I'm still learning. There are a lot of laws I was unaware of, a lot of ways to advocate with a smile on your face and a knife behind your back... ya know, like this school district does. Bitter much? At this point, yes.
Did you know that the incident where Jake was shaken has been written off as a personality conflict?? Really?? does that mean i can grab anyone I dislike by their collar, jerk them toward me, shake them and scream at them? And then slap them on the side of their legs? Because, if that's what it means, I have a LOT of catching up to do!!
I'm irate. again. Can you tell? But I'm tired. So damn tired of my days, weeks, etc., being consumed by phine calls trying to force people to step up and do what's right. He is not even GETTING his education- he's sitting at a table, spereate from his peers, coloring fucking pumpkin pictures.
My next move? the IEP meeting. Sending a written request for his complete records- and possibly requesting to have things removed. Like the lies in his IEP. Yeah, let them think they've backed me into a corner, tired me out, gotten their way.
I'm not going away. How many times do I have to prove myself to people? I don't have to "suck it up", or "get over it". This isn't a power struggle, or a game. This is a child's life. So, yeah... that whole backing off thing? Screw them.
It's prmoising to be a busy week- stick around.
We're planning a new IEP meeting for Jake. For those in the dark, IEP stands for Individualized Education Program. It's a tool used for kids with a variety of needs, physical as well as emotional, to ensure their needs are met in school. Jake's needs an update (or just followed, really) so that's what we're doing. I'm calling for the meeting, not the school. there are areas in the IEP that need erased as well as those that simply need revamped a little (like the supervision in line thing that no one did for the two weeks after it was written in... ). To NOT follow an IEP is breaking a written legal agreement. But at this point I think they could throw Jake under the school bus, with a hundred witnesses, and it wouldn't be their fault.
I've been told i need to open better lines of communication with the school. Tell me how to do that when no one returns phone calls, shows up at set meetings, or even bothers to follow the written words of former meetings? I do not trust the school. I do not trust the district. I do not feel comfortable calling there, when nothing is ever done as it is scheduled to be.
But, I'm going to do what I need to... what that is, I'm still learning. There are a lot of laws I was unaware of, a lot of ways to advocate with a smile on your face and a knife behind your back... ya know, like this school district does. Bitter much? At this point, yes.
Did you know that the incident where Jake was shaken has been written off as a personality conflict?? Really?? does that mean i can grab anyone I dislike by their collar, jerk them toward me, shake them and scream at them? And then slap them on the side of their legs? Because, if that's what it means, I have a LOT of catching up to do!!
I'm irate. again. Can you tell? But I'm tired. So damn tired of my days, weeks, etc., being consumed by phine calls trying to force people to step up and do what's right. He is not even GETTING his education- he's sitting at a table, spereate from his peers, coloring fucking pumpkin pictures.
My next move? the IEP meeting. Sending a written request for his complete records- and possibly requesting to have things removed. Like the lies in his IEP. Yeah, let them think they've backed me into a corner, tired me out, gotten their way.
I'm not going away. How many times do I have to prove myself to people? I don't have to "suck it up", or "get over it". This isn't a power struggle, or a game. This is a child's life. So, yeah... that whole backing off thing? Screw them.
It's prmoising to be a busy week- stick around.
10/6/08
Back To Reality
I hate Mondays. Not saying anything that you've never heard before, I'm sure. But this Monday especially? Was slam back into reality. I feel that we are preparing for the biggest hurdle yet (and we've had our share of biggies, believe me), and I hate that this is happening. I hate that Jake is going through this, that he has to keep going through this.
We go later in the week so he can be formally interviewed, with recordings, because the report I filed has been accepted and is being investigated. If he were to return to school, this teacher is not allowed to be with him unsupervised at any time. He is not returning- there's been too much damage done now, and he is too afraid. A caseworker from CS came to the house today, to talk with him, and he was too scared to share anything with her. Because his teacher would hurt him. His words. I got him to talk about it again with me, before she came, to ease him into talking freely about it. When he realized he would have to talk about it with someone else, he panicked. He was crying, running, trying to hide. He didn't want to tell, because (insert name here) will be bad to him, she's bad to him. He was in full melt down mode for almost half an hour.
I am heartsick. This could explain his anxiety of late, the whining and crying that he couldn't explain. And I've been sending him into that situation, daily. He's confused, afraid, worried... he wants to go to school. He doesn't want to leave the house. He wants his friends. He does not want to see her. He thinks it is his fault, that he did something wrong and is being punished. And making him understand is almost impossible.
I want this woman in the worst way, and I hate feeling like that. I hate this boiling anger that I'm carrying inside of me now. I am almost sick with the rage that I have- but that's normal, considering what Jake's going through and been through. I want to know why, though, and I doubt that's an answer we'll get. I think it's because of a lot of things- most importantly being the fact that I didn't drop it when push came to shove. How could I though? He's my child. And when it comes to my kids? I will never drop it, whatever "it" happens to be at the moment.
The thought of all of it makes me physically ill. I feel like I enabled someone to mistreat him, to lie on him, to bully him, to scare him. To possibly have hurt him. Scar him. And most of all, confuse him. Because he doesn't get it. He sees a person of authority shouting at him, and then he isn't back in school. He figures it's his fault. And that alone- some of the things he has said- makes me wonder exactly what goes on in there. Special needs kids are easy victims- they trust and believe people very easily. Or aren't believed when they speak up. Think about it- if it comes down to he said/she said, you have a teacher who is trained to work with special needs.... and an autistic, bi-polar six year old. How easy would it be to brush off his stories as fantasy? As imagination? And those are words this teacher has used on every occasion I've been around her- about every kid she's dealing with. Play acting, imaginative, story tellers, little actors, liars... as if they are totally unbelievable. Maybe she counts on those seeds she plants. I'm willing to bet that she does.
And I'm not saying he hasn't had some fantastic tales- but those are very obvious. And like I've said before- when he is lying, you can tell. He skips from moment to moment, story to story, and simply cannot remember what he's said or not said. When he tells you something over and over again? He's telling you the truth. He wouldn't remember otherwise.
I want this to go away. For him. For all of us, to get back into some normalcy, some routine. But I am willing to risk every piece of "normal" to prove that I will never stop, when it comes to my children. I will continue to fight for him, any of them, every second of every day, until their world is right again.
Because that fear in his eyes? Kills me. It sickens me, angers me, tears at my heart in a way that nothing ever has before. His confusion, his worry, his behavior changes? Are keeping me moving, searching, learning every angle on this sort of situation. I'm looking into every possible step that can be taken to make sure this never, ever happens again. To him, or to anyone else.
Because I can guarantee two things. Jake is not the first kid she's done this to- there's just no way. He will, however, be the last. I'm going to make sure of that.
We go later in the week so he can be formally interviewed, with recordings, because the report I filed has been accepted and is being investigated. If he were to return to school, this teacher is not allowed to be with him unsupervised at any time. He is not returning- there's been too much damage done now, and he is too afraid. A caseworker from CS came to the house today, to talk with him, and he was too scared to share anything with her. Because his teacher would hurt him. His words. I got him to talk about it again with me, before she came, to ease him into talking freely about it. When he realized he would have to talk about it with someone else, he panicked. He was crying, running, trying to hide. He didn't want to tell, because (insert name here) will be bad to him, she's bad to him. He was in full melt down mode for almost half an hour.
I am heartsick. This could explain his anxiety of late, the whining and crying that he couldn't explain. And I've been sending him into that situation, daily. He's confused, afraid, worried... he wants to go to school. He doesn't want to leave the house. He wants his friends. He does not want to see her. He thinks it is his fault, that he did something wrong and is being punished. And making him understand is almost impossible.
I want this woman in the worst way, and I hate feeling like that. I hate this boiling anger that I'm carrying inside of me now. I am almost sick with the rage that I have- but that's normal, considering what Jake's going through and been through. I want to know why, though, and I doubt that's an answer we'll get. I think it's because of a lot of things- most importantly being the fact that I didn't drop it when push came to shove. How could I though? He's my child. And when it comes to my kids? I will never drop it, whatever "it" happens to be at the moment.
The thought of all of it makes me physically ill. I feel like I enabled someone to mistreat him, to lie on him, to bully him, to scare him. To possibly have hurt him. Scar him. And most of all, confuse him. Because he doesn't get it. He sees a person of authority shouting at him, and then he isn't back in school. He figures it's his fault. And that alone- some of the things he has said- makes me wonder exactly what goes on in there. Special needs kids are easy victims- they trust and believe people very easily. Or aren't believed when they speak up. Think about it- if it comes down to he said/she said, you have a teacher who is trained to work with special needs.... and an autistic, bi-polar six year old. How easy would it be to brush off his stories as fantasy? As imagination? And those are words this teacher has used on every occasion I've been around her- about every kid she's dealing with. Play acting, imaginative, story tellers, little actors, liars... as if they are totally unbelievable. Maybe she counts on those seeds she plants. I'm willing to bet that she does.
And I'm not saying he hasn't had some fantastic tales- but those are very obvious. And like I've said before- when he is lying, you can tell. He skips from moment to moment, story to story, and simply cannot remember what he's said or not said. When he tells you something over and over again? He's telling you the truth. He wouldn't remember otherwise.
I want this to go away. For him. For all of us, to get back into some normalcy, some routine. But I am willing to risk every piece of "normal" to prove that I will never stop, when it comes to my children. I will continue to fight for him, any of them, every second of every day, until their world is right again.
Because that fear in his eyes? Kills me. It sickens me, angers me, tears at my heart in a way that nothing ever has before. His confusion, his worry, his behavior changes? Are keeping me moving, searching, learning every angle on this sort of situation. I'm looking into every possible step that can be taken to make sure this never, ever happens again. To him, or to anyone else.
Because I can guarantee two things. Jake is not the first kid she's done this to- there's just no way. He will, however, be the last. I'm going to make sure of that.
9/28/08
Here We Go...
Things are speeding up over here, Internet. My mind, as always, is racing in a zillion different directions. This week is going to be insane- for the ton of stuff that needs to get done, as well as my not so slow descent into a wriggling mass of nerves and excitement as this Friday edges closer. (5 days!!)
I'm thinking more and more about the non profit organization idea. It's sticking with me, and when something sticks, it must mean something. I love the idea of opening doors in our community (a very very small community) to bring in more information for the places that need to know more. There's not a lot of education regarding autism here when it comes to schools and other facilities that may be dealing with autistic children. And there should be, because if you do not know how to deal with the possibilities, the spectrum, the individuality of each case, then you as well as the families you deal with have less hope than they should. How can you properly advocate for a child, or children, that you don't understand?
In no way is that knocking the lack of education or on hand information here- we're in a place where funding doesn't allow for a lot of things, where knowledge is coming in from larger cities, and is pretty scarce. To learn more, you basically have to look for it on your own. that makes it more difficult- how many teachers, social workers, etc., have that extra time? They have their own families and lives to enjoy after their day is done. And for social workers, case managers, and CS, I know those days sometimes stretch into long evenings keeping them at work. When they finally do have a minute, they need the break.
What we need to do is bring it to them. And after going through the last couple weeks, I wonder if I may be able to help do that, even if it's just a nudge in that direction. That would be a huge movement here; the more you know, the more you can communicate with people and places that don't know, but want to. Or need to. It's definitely on my mind.
The other thing on my mind is that Cleveland is creeping up on me. There's less than a week to go, and I keep thinking about this "Face Time" we keep hearing about ;). as well as whether "I'm ready" or "Got my mind right." I don't know about ready- can you ever be? LOL I'm ready as I can ever be, is my final answer. And ready for what exactly? The concert itself? Meeting all the fans and hanging out with them? Possibly seeing, up close, the group of men who have caused all this insanity? :) Yes, yes and aw hell no. LOL That's the best I can do. there are no promises on that whole "I'll say this or do this if we happen to meet them.....". Get me through sounding semi intelligent, with little to no crying, and not feeling the need to puke? I'll consider that a success. (That puke thing is a valid concern. I have puked before. On the outer front of a tour bus, and I WAS an over anxious kid.. But, you see my concern. Being remembered would be one thing. Being remembered as the chick who pukes? Quite another. Let's have the possible memories be pleasant, shall we?)
Like I said, I will be twittering here, so feel free to add me if you want updates on the chaos as it happens. I will not be updating during the show, but before and after, you can expect to know just about anything and everything happening. LOL
I'll keep you posted, Internet, on any and all things happening this week. Meetings are still running rampant, but for different, better reasons. I feel more at ease, even as my stomach clutches at the thought of the opening chords and being asked "Are you ready for Showtime?...."
This is gonna be one hell of a week, so my question to all of my readers.. ALL of them... is this - Are YOU ready!?!?!??!
I'm thinking more and more about the non profit organization idea. It's sticking with me, and when something sticks, it must mean something. I love the idea of opening doors in our community (a very very small community) to bring in more information for the places that need to know more. There's not a lot of education regarding autism here when it comes to schools and other facilities that may be dealing with autistic children. And there should be, because if you do not know how to deal with the possibilities, the spectrum, the individuality of each case, then you as well as the families you deal with have less hope than they should. How can you properly advocate for a child, or children, that you don't understand?
In no way is that knocking the lack of education or on hand information here- we're in a place where funding doesn't allow for a lot of things, where knowledge is coming in from larger cities, and is pretty scarce. To learn more, you basically have to look for it on your own. that makes it more difficult- how many teachers, social workers, etc., have that extra time? They have their own families and lives to enjoy after their day is done. And for social workers, case managers, and CS, I know those days sometimes stretch into long evenings keeping them at work. When they finally do have a minute, they need the break.
What we need to do is bring it to them. And after going through the last couple weeks, I wonder if I may be able to help do that, even if it's just a nudge in that direction. That would be a huge movement here; the more you know, the more you can communicate with people and places that don't know, but want to. Or need to. It's definitely on my mind.
The other thing on my mind is that Cleveland is creeping up on me. There's less than a week to go, and I keep thinking about this "Face Time" we keep hearing about ;). as well as whether "I'm ready" or "Got my mind right." I don't know about ready- can you ever be? LOL I'm ready as I can ever be, is my final answer. And ready for what exactly? The concert itself? Meeting all the fans and hanging out with them? Possibly seeing, up close, the group of men who have caused all this insanity? :) Yes, yes and aw hell no. LOL That's the best I can do. there are no promises on that whole "I'll say this or do this if we happen to meet them.....". Get me through sounding semi intelligent, with little to no crying, and not feeling the need to puke? I'll consider that a success. (That puke thing is a valid concern. I have puked before. On the outer front of a tour bus, and I WAS an over anxious kid.. But, you see my concern. Being remembered would be one thing. Being remembered as the chick who pukes? Quite another. Let's have the possible memories be pleasant, shall we?)
Like I said, I will be twittering here, so feel free to add me if you want updates on the chaos as it happens. I will not be updating during the show, but before and after, you can expect to know just about anything and everything happening. LOL
I'll keep you posted, Internet, on any and all things happening this week. Meetings are still running rampant, but for different, better reasons. I feel more at ease, even as my stomach clutches at the thought of the opening chords and being asked "Are you ready for Showtime?...."
This is gonna be one hell of a week, so my question to all of my readers.. ALL of them... is this - Are YOU ready!?!?!??!
9/26/08
Resolutions
Today was my meeting with CS, the superintendent and principal, trying to find a middle ground on the situation that occurred, trying to make my peace with it. I went into it feeling negative, I admit. But I left feeling a lot lighter than when I went in.
I will also admit freely that I did go in there with a plan. I took a complete timeline of the incidents revolving around Jacob and the school, typed out and printed- one copy for CS, one for the superintendent. I'm a very hands on mom, and I wanted to get that point across- when it comes to any of these kids, I'm not in the dark. I know, because I know them. Especially where Jake is concerned, I feel that i need to document, keep little notes with dates and issues, so that when something does arise, I'm ready. Besides that, I went in there with one intention- to humanize him. To make sure that my son had a personality, a face, etc., and was more than just a number on a file. For everyone. I explained his quirks, his behaviors, his reactions- I made sure they knew Jake as a person before that meeting was over.
And that was apparently the best move. Had i gone in there combative, it would have blown up in my face, I think. The way things were handled in there are really not anything I can complain about. No, nothing done or said can erase the error, but it can ease it some. Being on the same page, working toward the same goals, all with his best interest in mind, is all I truly want. And I feel I got that.
There was admission of confusion, of not following all procedure, and there were sincere apologies, with tears, that came with it. No one wanted anything more than to clear the air, and begin to help Jake to accomplish all he is possibly able to. And that satisfies me.
I was commended for my hands on parenting, my observations and awareness, as well as complimented on my note taking (I am apparently intelligent with a firm grasp of language, and am I a writer? ) Their surprise made my heart ache, but I understand it. Coming from the preschool we did, the special needs group Jake was in, you see all sorts of things when dropping off, picking up, etc. and there really are a lot of parents who aren't involved, probably because they are so emotionally exhausted and heartsick that they feel unable to handle anymore. But, if you aren't going to battle for your child, to push for every opportunity for them... who will? I don't think about it as doing something extra- he's my child, I'm going to push and poke for every single bit of anything I can get to help him, to get him into a situation where he can succeed. That's my job. It has nothing to do with being "strong", it is just simply what is and what has to be.
That made me think a lot though, being in there, telling our story from beginning to end. About before diagnosis, fighting for someone to pay attention. During diagnosis, after.. and all the ups and downs that come with it. We really, really need more resources and tools available to schools, communities, etc. I'm tentatively (thanks to J's mom) thinking of attempting some sort of organization for awareness of Autism as well as Early On-Set BiPolar disorder. I'm thinking fundraisers, non profit... and the more I think on it, the more it sounds like something we need in our community. Autism, especially, is a baffling disability. We need more research, we need more education for teachers, schools, churches, social services... why can't we have that? And why can't I get that ball rolling?
It's just something I'm toying with, thinking about. But, if we could find a way to have a fundraiser around April (National Autism Awareness Month), those proceeds could go toward the beginning of a non profit. A support group...something to raise awareness and inspire people to help out, to get to know more, to find ways to be involved.
What do you think?
I will also admit freely that I did go in there with a plan. I took a complete timeline of the incidents revolving around Jacob and the school, typed out and printed- one copy for CS, one for the superintendent. I'm a very hands on mom, and I wanted to get that point across- when it comes to any of these kids, I'm not in the dark. I know, because I know them. Especially where Jake is concerned, I feel that i need to document, keep little notes with dates and issues, so that when something does arise, I'm ready. Besides that, I went in there with one intention- to humanize him. To make sure that my son had a personality, a face, etc., and was more than just a number on a file. For everyone. I explained his quirks, his behaviors, his reactions- I made sure they knew Jake as a person before that meeting was over.
And that was apparently the best move. Had i gone in there combative, it would have blown up in my face, I think. The way things were handled in there are really not anything I can complain about. No, nothing done or said can erase the error, but it can ease it some. Being on the same page, working toward the same goals, all with his best interest in mind, is all I truly want. And I feel I got that.
There was admission of confusion, of not following all procedure, and there were sincere apologies, with tears, that came with it. No one wanted anything more than to clear the air, and begin to help Jake to accomplish all he is possibly able to. And that satisfies me.
I was commended for my hands on parenting, my observations and awareness, as well as complimented on my note taking (I am apparently intelligent with a firm grasp of language, and am I a writer? ) Their surprise made my heart ache, but I understand it. Coming from the preschool we did, the special needs group Jake was in, you see all sorts of things when dropping off, picking up, etc. and there really are a lot of parents who aren't involved, probably because they are so emotionally exhausted and heartsick that they feel unable to handle anymore. But, if you aren't going to battle for your child, to push for every opportunity for them... who will? I don't think about it as doing something extra- he's my child, I'm going to push and poke for every single bit of anything I can get to help him, to get him into a situation where he can succeed. That's my job. It has nothing to do with being "strong", it is just simply what is and what has to be.
That made me think a lot though, being in there, telling our story from beginning to end. About before diagnosis, fighting for someone to pay attention. During diagnosis, after.. and all the ups and downs that come with it. We really, really need more resources and tools available to schools, communities, etc. I'm tentatively (thanks to J's mom) thinking of attempting some sort of organization for awareness of Autism as well as Early On-Set BiPolar disorder. I'm thinking fundraisers, non profit... and the more I think on it, the more it sounds like something we need in our community. Autism, especially, is a baffling disability. We need more research, we need more education for teachers, schools, churches, social services... why can't we have that? And why can't I get that ball rolling?
It's just something I'm toying with, thinking about. But, if we could find a way to have a fundraiser around April (National Autism Awareness Month), those proceeds could go toward the beginning of a non profit. A support group...something to raise awareness and inspire people to help out, to get to know more, to find ways to be involved.
What do you think?
9/23/08
Quicksand to Concrete
I've never been confrontational. Ask anyone who knows me. I'll bitch and moan, ignore you, avoid you... but unless I can write you a letter, most likely I won't do a whole lot. I hate face to face, or over the phone, confrontations. They make me nervous and somewhat sick to my stomach. I was a backward kid, and a backward adult. Then, something just... snapped.
I still don't like confrontation. But I no longer ignore or avoid things that are on my mind or bothering me. Maybe I got tired of feeling stepped on, from everyone to the snotty check out chick at Kmart to the woman next door who just will not learn to shut the f**k up. Whatever it is, I'm on it, the second there's an issue. Especially one pertaining to my kids.
I mentioned before some issues we were having with school. Last week, we had a biggie. the ultimate in a lot of ways, one that could have ended very very badly for my family. One I lived in fear with almost silently for a week, not because i didn't need to vent, but because there were a lot of emotions churning around and I wasn't sure what to say. Or who to say it to.
I'll put it this way- I can't go into detail because of other children, etc., involved- my son was accused of doing something... horrible. And in turn, we were accused of doing something so awful I can't even fathom it. After a week of this, of believing he had possibly done something he could not possibly have learned at home, we had a meeting. the faculty involved, his advocate and myself.
We started the conversation with the actions the principal of the school had reported. Not to me, but reported. The kindergarten teacher spoke up then, horrified. Jacob had not done those things. Another child did those things. Not my child- someone else's. The special education teacher and principal had taken it upon themselves to question my son (who had actually punched another kid, THAT was what the kindergarten teacher had reported to the S.E teacher, who is his main teacher). There had been no documentation, of anything- the principal had not spoken to the teacher supposedly saying these things until our meeting. A week after the fact. And she hadn't even said it about my kid.
There is no paperwork about this- never was any. But there was enough to call in another party and write notes to other parents? And then laugh it off with a woops, our mistake?? With barely an apology, simply a throwing up of hands and a"well it was a miscommunication." Needless to say, livid does not cover it.
I could have lost my children. I could have, J could have, gone to jail. Because these dumb shits can't do their job. And now, they have the same complaint to file... with just a different kid's name in it. They don't understand the consequences- not just what could have happened to my family, but what could happen to someone else's if they are looked at now as if they cry wolf. Their next complaint could be legit, and they could be ignored, brushed off, put aside... and someone could be in danger. Because they obviously do not know the proper protocol when handling an incident of any kind. Write that shit down. Get your facts straight. Then go from there.
I may repeat myself, but the not writing completely throws me. with this sort of situation, i'd have written every detail, every name, every single sylable uttered. To work in the best interest of the child as well as protect everyone else, I'd have crossed all my T's and dotted every single damned I there was. Because that's the way these things work. everyone involved in an incident needs informed.
So i went to work. I got on the phone and I did not get off again until I was somewhat... somewhat.. satisfied. The school will be looked at closely, the people in charge in the building even closer. I feel confident that this WILL be set right. Because if the actions taken today do not set them right? I'll go up another rung on the ladder. And another. and another... you get the idea. Right now, I'm following procedure... ya know, what you're SUPPOSED to follow!?!??! I'm going with the legal advice I receieved this morning and going up the ranks as I need to until this situation is handled, and it's made sure that nothing like this ever happens again.
I am not mollified. Not by a long shot. I am simply doing what i need to, using the proper channels to get this settled to my satisfaction. And I hope I'm proving a point- don't f**k with my kids, ok? don't f**k with my family, don't try to back anyone in a corner. I will not be victimized. My family won't be victimized. Anyone that will listen will know about this. And this school? Better be ready- they have absolutely no idea the can of worms they have opened. This will not be swept under a rug, I'm not going away quietly. And ya know what they can do if it bothers them?
Put it in writing.
I still don't like confrontation. But I no longer ignore or avoid things that are on my mind or bothering me. Maybe I got tired of feeling stepped on, from everyone to the snotty check out chick at Kmart to the woman next door who just will not learn to shut the f**k up. Whatever it is, I'm on it, the second there's an issue. Especially one pertaining to my kids.
I mentioned before some issues we were having with school. Last week, we had a biggie. the ultimate in a lot of ways, one that could have ended very very badly for my family. One I lived in fear with almost silently for a week, not because i didn't need to vent, but because there were a lot of emotions churning around and I wasn't sure what to say. Or who to say it to.
I'll put it this way- I can't go into detail because of other children, etc., involved- my son was accused of doing something... horrible. And in turn, we were accused of doing something so awful I can't even fathom it. After a week of this, of believing he had possibly done something he could not possibly have learned at home, we had a meeting. the faculty involved, his advocate and myself.
We started the conversation with the actions the principal of the school had reported. Not to me, but reported. The kindergarten teacher spoke up then, horrified. Jacob had not done those things. Another child did those things. Not my child- someone else's. The special education teacher and principal had taken it upon themselves to question my son (who had actually punched another kid, THAT was what the kindergarten teacher had reported to the S.E teacher, who is his main teacher). There had been no documentation, of anything- the principal had not spoken to the teacher supposedly saying these things until our meeting. A week after the fact. And she hadn't even said it about my kid.
There is no paperwork about this- never was any. But there was enough to call in another party and write notes to other parents? And then laugh it off with a woops, our mistake?? With barely an apology, simply a throwing up of hands and a"well it was a miscommunication." Needless to say, livid does not cover it.
I could have lost my children. I could have, J could have, gone to jail. Because these dumb shits can't do their job. And now, they have the same complaint to file... with just a different kid's name in it. They don't understand the consequences- not just what could have happened to my family, but what could happen to someone else's if they are looked at now as if they cry wolf. Their next complaint could be legit, and they could be ignored, brushed off, put aside... and someone could be in danger. Because they obviously do not know the proper protocol when handling an incident of any kind. Write that shit down. Get your facts straight. Then go from there.
I may repeat myself, but the not writing completely throws me. with this sort of situation, i'd have written every detail, every name, every single sylable uttered. To work in the best interest of the child as well as protect everyone else, I'd have crossed all my T's and dotted every single damned I there was. Because that's the way these things work. everyone involved in an incident needs informed.
So i went to work. I got on the phone and I did not get off again until I was somewhat... somewhat.. satisfied. The school will be looked at closely, the people in charge in the building even closer. I feel confident that this WILL be set right. Because if the actions taken today do not set them right? I'll go up another rung on the ladder. And another. and another... you get the idea. Right now, I'm following procedure... ya know, what you're SUPPOSED to follow!?!??! I'm going with the legal advice I receieved this morning and going up the ranks as I need to until this situation is handled, and it's made sure that nothing like this ever happens again.
I am not mollified. Not by a long shot. I am simply doing what i need to, using the proper channels to get this settled to my satisfaction. And I hope I'm proving a point- don't f**k with my kids, ok? don't f**k with my family, don't try to back anyone in a corner. I will not be victimized. My family won't be victimized. Anyone that will listen will know about this. And this school? Better be ready- they have absolutely no idea the can of worms they have opened. This will not be swept under a rug, I'm not going away quietly. And ya know what they can do if it bothers them?
Put it in writing.
9/4/08
My Kid, the Scapegoat
I'm not one of those parents who thinks their kids do nothing wrong. I can't stand parents like that, honestly. There's not a kid on Earth who won't pull something... even a small something.. if they think they can. That's part of being a kid. Put them in a group, and there's a chance they're going to bicker, nit pick, etc... and usually, there is one kid who gets the blame for all of them. That, apparently, is Jake.
The last two weeks, in and out of school, it seems I've been battling for my son. Tonight was no exception. Jake is only six, but he's bigger than a lot of kids years older than he is. He's taller by genetics, bigger by medications. So they think he can handle the picking, the teasing, the rough housing. He doesn't handle it well- last night a smaller kid (his age) called him a fat shit. He cried for almost half an hour over that one- he simply does not understand why this little boy chose to be mean to him, can't wrap his head around the fact that some kids are just mean to anyone they sense is weaker. He doesn't realize that this other kid? Is a shit.
Tonight, an older kid ( a friend of Alyssa's from school) tackled him to the ground because Jake wanted to touch his bike, and wouldn't back off about it. Jake doesn't back off- it's part of his personality. He fixates, and it's hard to distract him with something else once he sets his mind. So, more crying, more explaining (mainly that there is to be no pushing, hitting, etc., of any kind from any of them, mine included, for ANY reason). Even though part of me hoped Jake would have finally had his fill and knocked the kid back-I don't encourage them to fight, but once they see you crying, they know they can pick. at least tell them to back off and keep their hands to themselves.
After that, they were playing with the little guy next door. they play well together, they get along, we don't have any issues with them or they with us. And when there was an issue (the boys decided they'd name call, both ended up crying, both in trouble) the boy's father brought him over to make it right. Tonight, apparently, there was an issue with the little guy doing something his mom wanted. He lied and said he was, Jake lied and agreed he was. Yeah, it was a petty lie, but a lie nonetheless, and the kid's mom took it upon herself to tell my two that her kid isn't allowed to play with liars.
One, don't talk to my kids that way. Ever. Two, don't include Alyssa in something she didn't do. Three, Don't. Talk. To. My. Kids. That. Way. EVER. So I went over to see what had happened. It goes something like this- she tells me what happened, I ask why she said that to my kids. She stammers that she doesn't want her son thinking lying is ok, and won't let him fall in with "a bad crowd" of kids who lie all the time. I guess that means i should take the kids' supply of booze, weapons and heroin away... **sigh**....
So I inform her that first, she really shouldn't say that to other people's children, since she's trying to set an example to her own children about the right way to be and do things. Then I added, especially an autistic child who was backing up his buddy. And is now crying in the house because he thinks he lost his friend. And because I got on him about lying- I don't tolerate it either. But I'll handle it with my kids, thanks.
That's the first time I have ever told someone Jake has autism and enjoyed watching them squirm. even more so when her husband joined us and was concerned; we got off on a good foot about the kids when we met, and he seems like a genuinely nice guy. She stammered and stumbled some more. I explained I was concerned because she told the kids that her son couldn't play with liars. She seemed very uncomfortable.
It was left that hers was being punished for the night, not that he wasn't allowed to play with the kids, of course not, that wasn't what she meant, etc.... I'm confused, since that's what she said. She introduced herself after, friendly as can be. Why, because she was wrong? Or because my kid is autistic and suddenly she felt like a shithead?
I'm in the wrong for this, but I'm hoping for shithead.
The last two weeks, in and out of school, it seems I've been battling for my son. Tonight was no exception. Jake is only six, but he's bigger than a lot of kids years older than he is. He's taller by genetics, bigger by medications. So they think he can handle the picking, the teasing, the rough housing. He doesn't handle it well- last night a smaller kid (his age) called him a fat shit. He cried for almost half an hour over that one- he simply does not understand why this little boy chose to be mean to him, can't wrap his head around the fact that some kids are just mean to anyone they sense is weaker. He doesn't realize that this other kid? Is a shit.
Tonight, an older kid ( a friend of Alyssa's from school) tackled him to the ground because Jake wanted to touch his bike, and wouldn't back off about it. Jake doesn't back off- it's part of his personality. He fixates, and it's hard to distract him with something else once he sets his mind. So, more crying, more explaining (mainly that there is to be no pushing, hitting, etc., of any kind from any of them, mine included, for ANY reason). Even though part of me hoped Jake would have finally had his fill and knocked the kid back-I don't encourage them to fight, but once they see you crying, they know they can pick. at least tell them to back off and keep their hands to themselves.
After that, they were playing with the little guy next door. they play well together, they get along, we don't have any issues with them or they with us. And when there was an issue (the boys decided they'd name call, both ended up crying, both in trouble) the boy's father brought him over to make it right. Tonight, apparently, there was an issue with the little guy doing something his mom wanted. He lied and said he was, Jake lied and agreed he was. Yeah, it was a petty lie, but a lie nonetheless, and the kid's mom took it upon herself to tell my two that her kid isn't allowed to play with liars.
One, don't talk to my kids that way. Ever. Two, don't include Alyssa in something she didn't do. Three, Don't. Talk. To. My. Kids. That. Way. EVER. So I went over to see what had happened. It goes something like this- she tells me what happened, I ask why she said that to my kids. She stammers that she doesn't want her son thinking lying is ok, and won't let him fall in with "a bad crowd" of kids who lie all the time. I guess that means i should take the kids' supply of booze, weapons and heroin away... **sigh**....
So I inform her that first, she really shouldn't say that to other people's children, since she's trying to set an example to her own children about the right way to be and do things. Then I added, especially an autistic child who was backing up his buddy. And is now crying in the house because he thinks he lost his friend. And because I got on him about lying- I don't tolerate it either. But I'll handle it with my kids, thanks.
That's the first time I have ever told someone Jake has autism and enjoyed watching them squirm. even more so when her husband joined us and was concerned; we got off on a good foot about the kids when we met, and he seems like a genuinely nice guy. She stammered and stumbled some more. I explained I was concerned because she told the kids that her son couldn't play with liars. She seemed very uncomfortable.
It was left that hers was being punished for the night, not that he wasn't allowed to play with the kids, of course not, that wasn't what she meant, etc.... I'm confused, since that's what she said. She introduced herself after, friendly as can be. Why, because she was wrong? Or because my kid is autistic and suddenly she felt like a shithead?
I'm in the wrong for this, but I'm hoping for shithead.
8/26/08
Puff...
Tomorrow... er, today, I should say... is going to be very interesting. I mentioned before that it's the first day of school. What I didn't know is that it would be yet another issue. Between Jake's caseworker (also his school and other community program advocate) and I, we learned today that some things are.. well, frankly they're bullshit. Between last week (setting up meetings with a principal who knows exactly who he is, about his case, etc.,) and now, we've come across a myriad of issues, stemming from two different stories. As of today, as opposed to Thursday of last week, my son is now known as a "Phantom Child." As in, somewhere along the line, his paperwork (IEP, evaluations, testing and registrations for school) have been "lost". Supposedly, he is unknown at the school he has been registered for since May of this year. Supposedly, all of those things? Were never sent. We know better. His preschool knows better.
In this district, from what I understand and was told to me, as late as this afternoon, when a child is to be placed in a special classroom, he is registered and tested by the Special Education section. That, in this case, would be the superintendent present for meetings, testings, etc. that was done, according to the Special Education secretary/coordinator at his preschool. We have that paperwork. We have his IEP, his psychological evaluation, and his kindergarten screening-testing results. Those were done in his preschool classroom, because registering and testing in the "normal" setting for a child of his needs is too stressful and anxiety provoking for the child, therefore making the results skewed.
And yet.. yet.. somehow this has happened. And fingers are being pointed in every direction. So what should be a happy, easy transition for my son has become an obstacle. A mess of papers, running around to find others' copies, and finding who is responsible for all of this. Be it the superintendent or the special ed program at his school, it does not matter to me. It's one more thing, one last thing, that proves, again, my point.What happened in less than one week to suddenly make my son a ghost? To change easy transition into a possible nightmare of change, with the threat of him not even being able to go to school.
Hello again, small town. Hello, one more reason I do not want my children in this district, this county. And finally, there is agreement. My kids are my life. They will not fail. Their lives? Will never be compromised. Ever. There's no debate there, no option for anyone, or anything, to shift their reality. Living in this town has done enough of that. (Yes, there is a LARGE portion of backstory here that I am not giving. By my own omission, not anyone else's.)
To sum it up, I will say this: my son IS starting school tomorrow. With no hassle, as far as he will ever know. And someone will be held accountable, as high as I have to go. This won't be let go, or pushed aside, or ignored- not where my son is concerned. Not when everyone I know has known, for ages, my fears and concerns for him regarding school.
Tell me I'm overreacting, too angry, overly upset... and I will tell you more than enough about the town I live in (and the "influence" in it) to make your hair stand on end. Every school year, it's something. Every time my family makes a move, it's something.
This is the last time. Period.
In this district, from what I understand and was told to me, as late as this afternoon, when a child is to be placed in a special classroom, he is registered and tested by the Special Education section. That, in this case, would be the superintendent present for meetings, testings, etc. that was done, according to the Special Education secretary/coordinator at his preschool. We have that paperwork. We have his IEP, his psychological evaluation, and his kindergarten screening-testing results. Those were done in his preschool classroom, because registering and testing in the "normal" setting for a child of his needs is too stressful and anxiety provoking for the child, therefore making the results skewed.
And yet.. yet.. somehow this has happened. And fingers are being pointed in every direction. So what should be a happy, easy transition for my son has become an obstacle. A mess of papers, running around to find others' copies, and finding who is responsible for all of this. Be it the superintendent or the special ed program at his school, it does not matter to me. It's one more thing, one last thing, that proves, again, my point.What happened in less than one week to suddenly make my son a ghost? To change easy transition into a possible nightmare of change, with the threat of him not even being able to go to school.
Hello again, small town. Hello, one more reason I do not want my children in this district, this county. And finally, there is agreement. My kids are my life. They will not fail. Their lives? Will never be compromised. Ever. There's no debate there, no option for anyone, or anything, to shift their reality. Living in this town has done enough of that. (Yes, there is a LARGE portion of backstory here that I am not giving. By my own omission, not anyone else's.)
To sum it up, I will say this: my son IS starting school tomorrow. With no hassle, as far as he will ever know. And someone will be held accountable, as high as I have to go. This won't be let go, or pushed aside, or ignored- not where my son is concerned. Not when everyone I know has known, for ages, my fears and concerns for him regarding school.
Tell me I'm overreacting, too angry, overly upset... and I will tell you more than enough about the town I live in (and the "influence" in it) to make your hair stand on end. Every school year, it's something. Every time my family makes a move, it's something.
This is the last time. Period.
8/21/08
School Craze, School Daze
School starts next Tuesday here at Casa Diva, and although I am more than ready, I am also very hesitant. This is Jake's first year in regular school, and as any parent of a special needs kiddo knows, this can be a joyful milestone as well as a brand new sense of worry and turmoil. I want to set him up for success- I have a list to take of all the quirks, needs and issues that may or may not arise. His meds, possible side effects and when he takes what, are all listed. I have a list a mile long to help them get to know this complex child before they label him, pass him off, shut him down and shove him aside.
I have a game plan. Unfortunately, the school doesn't seem to be on the same page. the principal is trying her hardest to, now, set up the meeting she thought had already been taken care of. i am scrambling and hoping we get to meet his teacher, aide and those who will be with him daily on his new adventure. There is lost paperwork, lost time and a lack of communication i am beginning to find is all a part of this system we deal with. The school he is attending is the best in our district for disabilities, and we have a wonderful caseworker pushing and pulling right along with us to make this transition as smooth as possible for a child who does not do well with change. And when I say "does not do well" I mean does terribly, if the situation is handled wrong.
Jakers is the kind of kid who needs to know what's happening next month to be totally satisfied. We explain holidays in advance. Company coming, us going anywhere... all is explained ahead of time so he can prepare. School has been explained for months now, and he (as well as Lyss) picked out all of his own supplies. He went superhero for his first "real" school. She went High School Musical (only because there was no Jonas Bros. paraphernalia to be found thank you Lord forever and ever amen). They are both very, very excited and we have been encouraging that excitement. We both have always been together on that one, at least. Alyssa has a passion for learning like no other kid I have EVER known, and she's smart as can be. We did pass up an offer on the gifted program last year simply because it involved possibly skipping a grade- something she is not emotionally ready for. And because she isn't yet bored with what she's learning.
Jake has the same quickness; he's been labeled the smartest kid in class all three years at his school. It's the lack of impulse control that does him in. And does me in as well, because watching him fight himself is something that tears me up in ways that very little ever will. I want that brass ring, for all of my kids. and seeing it come so easily for one and so painstakingly slow, agonizingly slow, for another is harder to watch than I ever thought possible. He has taught himself to read, to count, to do all of those things- he wouldn't let anyone teach him. He watched, and then gradually picked it up himself. It's how he needs it to be, so it just has to be. You can't force a child to learn in a way that's not comfortable- that sets them up for failure. Letting him go at his own pace, to a degree, has made major changes.
He's become a different boy in a lot of ways this summer. He's learned to gage his own moods better, to control his impulses just enough to be safe. It's enough, it has to be. He now engages others in play- once unheard of. The hitting, kicking, screaming ball of rage has dissipated into a not as angry little boy. It's a major improvement- we still have our moments, but who doesn't?
Does all of this mean he's ready for school? Not without everyone, on both sides, being prepared. His quirks and triggers are definitely something the school needs to know- especially those who will be with him all day every day. I don't think I'm being too protective in saying that- there are just some things that you can't overlook. He will test the limits, and one wrong reaction could very well set his pace for the year. He's perfected gaging others and reacting accordingly. . in positive or negative way. He has to have the structure and consistency- giving in to him is not an option, if you want to get anything else done. Ever. He remembers, and he keeps on pushing.
I'm rambling, but I'm worried. Worried he will be too rough for them, worried they won't pay enough attention. Worried he'll slip through the cracks of a system not well enough equipped, or funded, to really do what they promise. I will probably touch on this a lot more in the coming weeks, just to keep myself sane about it. I want him to excel. I want him to prove everyone, including me, wrong. And I want everyone to be aware, really aware, of him. As a person, as a wonderful little boy. Is it too much to ask?
I have a game plan. Unfortunately, the school doesn't seem to be on the same page. the principal is trying her hardest to, now, set up the meeting she thought had already been taken care of. i am scrambling and hoping we get to meet his teacher, aide and those who will be with him daily on his new adventure. There is lost paperwork, lost time and a lack of communication i am beginning to find is all a part of this system we deal with. The school he is attending is the best in our district for disabilities, and we have a wonderful caseworker pushing and pulling right along with us to make this transition as smooth as possible for a child who does not do well with change. And when I say "does not do well" I mean does terribly, if the situation is handled wrong.
Jakers is the kind of kid who needs to know what's happening next month to be totally satisfied. We explain holidays in advance. Company coming, us going anywhere... all is explained ahead of time so he can prepare. School has been explained for months now, and he (as well as Lyss) picked out all of his own supplies. He went superhero for his first "real" school. She went High School Musical (only because there was no Jonas Bros. paraphernalia to be found thank you Lord forever and ever amen). They are both very, very excited and we have been encouraging that excitement. We both have always been together on that one, at least. Alyssa has a passion for learning like no other kid I have EVER known, and she's smart as can be. We did pass up an offer on the gifted program last year simply because it involved possibly skipping a grade- something she is not emotionally ready for. And because she isn't yet bored with what she's learning.
Jake has the same quickness; he's been labeled the smartest kid in class all three years at his school. It's the lack of impulse control that does him in. And does me in as well, because watching him fight himself is something that tears me up in ways that very little ever will. I want that brass ring, for all of my kids. and seeing it come so easily for one and so painstakingly slow, agonizingly slow, for another is harder to watch than I ever thought possible. He has taught himself to read, to count, to do all of those things- he wouldn't let anyone teach him. He watched, and then gradually picked it up himself. It's how he needs it to be, so it just has to be. You can't force a child to learn in a way that's not comfortable- that sets them up for failure. Letting him go at his own pace, to a degree, has made major changes.
He's become a different boy in a lot of ways this summer. He's learned to gage his own moods better, to control his impulses just enough to be safe. It's enough, it has to be. He now engages others in play- once unheard of. The hitting, kicking, screaming ball of rage has dissipated into a not as angry little boy. It's a major improvement- we still have our moments, but who doesn't?
Does all of this mean he's ready for school? Not without everyone, on both sides, being prepared. His quirks and triggers are definitely something the school needs to know- especially those who will be with him all day every day. I don't think I'm being too protective in saying that- there are just some things that you can't overlook. He will test the limits, and one wrong reaction could very well set his pace for the year. He's perfected gaging others and reacting accordingly. . in positive or negative way. He has to have the structure and consistency- giving in to him is not an option, if you want to get anything else done. Ever. He remembers, and he keeps on pushing.
I'm rambling, but I'm worried. Worried he will be too rough for them, worried they won't pay enough attention. Worried he'll slip through the cracks of a system not well enough equipped, or funded, to really do what they promise. I will probably touch on this a lot more in the coming weeks, just to keep myself sane about it. I want him to excel. I want him to prove everyone, including me, wrong. And I want everyone to be aware, really aware, of him. As a person, as a wonderful little boy. Is it too much to ask?
8/15/08
Ahhh, Some Understanding?
This article is a good way to describe a LOT of what we go through here at Casa Diva. Where we go, where Jake can go, can't go, what he can and can't handle, people, place, etc., wise. Some things are fine some of the time, and others it is too much for him and yeah, he'll have a meltdown. Or be exuberantly friendly to people who stare, or whisper. Or just don't get it.. or want to.
Read this and think about it- yes, I agree there are rules, and we all need to follow them. but I think the church who made allowances says a lot- there ARE times when exceptions can, and maybe should, be made.
Read this and think about it- yes, I agree there are rules, and we all need to follow them. but I think the church who made allowances says a lot- there ARE times when exceptions can, and maybe should, be made.
4/2/08
April
April is Autism Awareness Month. Please take the time to read up on autism, donate if you can, and help - teach, learn, be an advocate. Donate your time and heart if you can't donate money. Be aware, make others aware. Visit autismspeaks.org and spread the word. Education is key in understanding. And visit My Inner Muse for a post a day.
2/18/08
Assholes, I can call them whatever I want. I see them on Big Brother, OK?
Check this out.
And this guy works with disabled kids. EVERY DAY. I can't even comment further on this one right now other than to say this is the mindset that hinders and doesn't help.
Get a new job. Asshole.
And this guy works with disabled kids. EVERY DAY. I can't even comment further on this one right now other than to say this is the mindset that hinders and doesn't help.
Get a new job. Asshole.
1/31/08
On autism
I wanted to take a minute to share with you all an article I found here.
Please take the time to read the article, watch the video and do as the ladies at tutus and turtles ask in their wonderful post- head over to the website and see what you can learn about autism.
Being a mom, I know all about the usual kid issues- colds, fever, projectile vomiting. :) But I also know about autism, and the many forms it can take. My son is six years old, and is somewhere on that spectrum that seems never ending. So many traits and symptoms look like other disorders, other issues, that it's a constant uphill battle (for us) in reaching a proper diagnosis. It's also a constant battle for him to be seen as he really is, and not the kid getting shunned, stared at, or isolated because of his behaviors. Jake is so much more than the hyperactive, often angry little boy that is still trying to control his emotions. He is a loving, affectionate little kid who wants nothing more than to be loved and accepted in return.
Is it hard? You bet, on all of us. It's the hardest thing I, as a parent, will probably ever face. Sometimes it depresses me beyond all reason. Other times his innocent take on the world is refreshing and makes my heart melt. But always, every second, without fail, I am fighting for him. I am his warrior, I am the light at the end of the tunnel for him- and I know that I am not alone. There are so many parents, family members, friends, teachers, etc, willing to fight for answers, research and new methods and treatments for these kids. So please, take a second, follow that link, and if nothing else, learn more about this disorder.
And a major thanks to the gang at tutus and turtles for 2 terrific posts on autism. I appreciate it, and I'm sure there are hundreds, if not thousands of others who do as well.
Please take the time to read the article, watch the video and do as the ladies at tutus and turtles ask in their wonderful post- head over to the website and see what you can learn about autism.
Being a mom, I know all about the usual kid issues- colds, fever, projectile vomiting. :) But I also know about autism, and the many forms it can take. My son is six years old, and is somewhere on that spectrum that seems never ending. So many traits and symptoms look like other disorders, other issues, that it's a constant uphill battle (for us) in reaching a proper diagnosis. It's also a constant battle for him to be seen as he really is, and not the kid getting shunned, stared at, or isolated because of his behaviors. Jake is so much more than the hyperactive, often angry little boy that is still trying to control his emotions. He is a loving, affectionate little kid who wants nothing more than to be loved and accepted in return.
Is it hard? You bet, on all of us. It's the hardest thing I, as a parent, will probably ever face. Sometimes it depresses me beyond all reason. Other times his innocent take on the world is refreshing and makes my heart melt. But always, every second, without fail, I am fighting for him. I am his warrior, I am the light at the end of the tunnel for him- and I know that I am not alone. There are so many parents, family members, friends, teachers, etc, willing to fight for answers, research and new methods and treatments for these kids. So please, take a second, follow that link, and if nothing else, learn more about this disorder.
And a major thanks to the gang at tutus and turtles for 2 terrific posts on autism. I appreciate it, and I'm sure there are hundreds, if not thousands of others who do as well.
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