A Cleansing Breath....

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, that works SO much better than a deep breath. For me, anyway. I've been taking a self imposed hiatus from the net lately, mainly because we've been battling these God awful chest colds that seem to have no intention of going anywhere, and by the time the rest of my coughers are asleep, I want nothing more than a hot bath, hot tea and bed.

But, I've also been spending more time just being, you know what I mean? Doing things, little things, to make things easier. Someone has to. And it's started to make things run a little more on the even keel I've craved and not had for so long. So, if that means less time online, I'm all for it.

But I do miss you, Internet. Not like I thought I would maybe, but I do. I'm not abandoning you, I'm just taking more time to balance what I need to and reconfigure some of the aspects of life that weren't working. Or were, but not the way they could be. And I need to figure out how much of that is me, then go from there.

Miss Lyss had a birthday last week, so there's a birthday post coming, I promise. Pics and all :) She got a few things she really wanted and I made her a chocolate cake that went over so well, she didn't want a bakery cake for her get together this weekend. She requested homemade again... made my day!

We are having some struggles with Jake and school again, so please keep your fingers crossed for the next little while. Nothing like before, but some behavior issues and ups and downs that are starting to keep things from being as balanced as they were. I'm stressin' here, on a lot of levels, and I'm not sure where to go with it, you know? Writing about it helps, but there's so much that can't really be said, either because I can't find the words, or I can't put some things out there. So, just think of us, would ya? On all levels.

I may post sporadically for the next little bit, but I'm not going anywhere. I just need some time to get my mind right (ha) and doing that isn't as easy as I want it to be. But, the best things don't come easy, and I'm not one to back down when I'm facing a challenge. Even a self imposed challenge. So, bear with me and keep checking back. I'll be around!

Party Pic-a-palooza!- The Cake

Taylor definitely wasn't too sure of the cake. She did, however, make one heck of a mess!

Party Pic-a-palooza! 2

A few more b-day pics!

Party Pic-a-palooza!

Here is the first batch of party pics. I kept the cake pics for a seperate post, because seriously? they do deserve their own post. LOL


everyone had a fantastic time, especially the Birthday girl. She lasted a lot longer than I expected she would- even after cake, she was raring to go for another couple hours. She was a little baffled by the whole thing, but once she really realized all this stuff was hers, and for her? She played it up, completely. She was sweet and friendly, everyone got to hold her and play with her. She loved her presents, and was really into taking the cards out of the envelopes, for some reason. the cake, however... well, you'll have to see for yourselves! LOL

Sunny Day, Sweeping the Clouds Away....

It's almost party time here at Casa Diva. Tomorrow, Miss T turns the big 1. She is, of course, having a party revolving around her favorite thing of the moment. I'm a theme junkie, I can't help it. With Lyss, it was Bear in the Big Blue House. Jake was Bob the Builder. These were steady, all encompassing loves for each of them, easy to pick, easy to plan. As always, Taylor has been a different kind of kid. She has had no all powerful love, like her sister and brother before her. She was briefly attached to Dora and Deigo, then Yo Gabba Gabba (and oh my God that is the scariest kids' show I have EVER seen). She's a finicky one, my T. But she has now discovered Sesame Street, and she is more entertained and fascinated than I've ever seen her. She absolutely adores Ernie, and is delighted by his laugh, his games, his voice. She loves Big Bird and pays a little attention to Elmo. But Ernie is her main guy right now, besides her Daddy. And man, does she try to imitate him. She has learned to point her finger, to attempt mimicking his laugh (and cracking up every time I do it) and to mimic a dog panting (which sounds a little obscene phone caller at times, but is very very cute.)

So, we are giving her the Street. Prepare yourself for the absolute cuteness of the pictures to come. We're doing her party at J's mom's house, because it's easier for everyone, and large enough to hold us all, LOL. We have the Sesame cake, decorations and assorted gifts that will surely be a hit with the Birthday Girl. I can't wait to see the realization that it's all for her. That's always a priceless moment, because at this age, they don't know to look forward to a party, or to gifts.

I've started and stopped a few posts about her upcoming birthday. I've come to realize that I simply can't write a sentimental letter to her and post it on the internet. I feel that's hers alone to have. And I love reading the letters to kids from moms- I think it's terrific to be that open online. I guess I am more private. Not in my love for her, or any of my kids. That I'll shout from the rooftops. But I am private, I suppose, in the journey I have taken the last few years- especially during my pregnancy and the first year of T's life.

I have grown with her, I'll say that much. I'm not the same person I was when I carried her, or the person I was the first few months of her life. That is a good thing, for everyone. I can't take credit for it, though. Taylor came into my life at a time I needed to wake up. To a lot of things. And she has changed my life, all of our lives, in a lot of ways I would never take back. For anything, for anyone. Having her has shown me things about myself I never knew, given me a perspective that broke my heart and gave me strength at the same time. All I can really say is 29-30 is a very different mindset than early 20's, when it comes to really seeing.

Here is to my last first birthday baby. My special, special girl who makes me laugh like I haven't laughed in years. The independent girl who looks so much like her big sister it amazes me. The walking, laughing totally her own person baby who dances to her own beat (although she loves her some "Single" by her Mommy's favorite guys) .

There were a lot of times I asked myself "why", about a number of things. But now I know. All of this led me, led all of us, to this final piece in our puzzle. This perfect little person who makes all of our days better. Finally, I think we get it. And regardless of how we got her, regardless of where we go.... it was worth every mile.