New Look, New(ish) Outlook

I've been wanting to change things up over here for awhile. Not just the look- I do that all the time, because I doubt I'll ever find a "look" to have permanently. Nothing ever screams "keep me", ya know?

What I'm talking about is changing up the content some. I've said (repeatedly) that I won't be guarded on here. And to a degree, I'm not. On some things (uber personal issues, friends-relatives names, etc.) I always will be, and I've explained all that before. (Again, repeatedly.) But this is my space, and sometimes I honestly think it isn't truly mine, if that makes sense. I say a lot, and there's still so much I don't say. Because of who may or may not read here, or what so-and so may think if I really let loose and say what I'm thinking.

So, I'm done with it. Read it or don't (I know, how many people have said it how many times on their own spaces... and how many times have I said it here?)... I don't want to worry about who is looking for innuendo in my words, who is making fun, who is picking apart my pictures, my ideas, or my life. I don't have time for the added worry, or for the wary feeling I've had lately. Read it, take what you want to (people do that anyway) or don't come here. My space, my thoughts, my junk.

That said, let's get on with it. I've shown you pieces of myself for the last year or so, and what you've gotten so far is barely enough to begin putting those pieces together for a clear picture. I'm not perfect, and I don't want to be... sometimes. LOL I'm messy, unorganized, short tempered, and have a very (VERY) low tolerance for bullshit. I give as good as I get, and I'm loyal (to a fault), to the people I love. Whether they deserve it or not.

So, here is my invitation to you. Let's put the pieces together. Let's have some laughs, a glass (or six) of wine and get to know one another. Welcome to the "new" blog. Pull up a kitchen chair and get comfy.

Another One Bites the Dust....

What IS it about me that makes appliances say "screw this shit"? Now, we have to get a new oven. Which, I admit, is bittersweet. Yeah, it sucks because of the money that will be spent. Especially considering holidays and birthdays (Taylor, thanksgiving J, Christmas, New Years then Jake, all in a row). But- this oven was here when I moved into this house. I have always hated it- it's older than God, has never been taken care of (I had to use a chisel and scraper to clean it before using it, ok?) and it has finally taken its leave.

I have never had a new oven. The prospect excites me. This one was gas rather than electric, and I did like it. It proved somewhat easier on cooking in some ways, and I'll have to get another one- I'm too paranoid about the gas lines, carbon monoxide, etc., to trust anyone to fix that properly for me. Plus, when we have power outages, I can still cook- that's come in handy a few times here during storms. Especially winter storms.

But a new, white, shiny oven? Without years of buildup that never fully came clean? Hehehehehehehee. I know, I know- it's an appliance. I should be this excited over jewelry or some such extravagance. But, let's look at my recent birthday-holiday requests: crock Pot, cookware, etc. That's what gets my juices flowing. right now, I'm salivating over a pizzelle maker. I told you I was weird....

I do hope, however, that this is the last major appliance we need to replace for a LONG time. In the past few years, it's been a new washer. Then a new toilet, sink and bathtub. THEN a new dryer. New fridge... you see where this is going. It's insane. Just two weeks ago, we had to get a new microwave (which I adore beyond reason). We need a break on the appliance area, right?

Now, I'm off to ponder whether I want a white oven (to match the fridge) or a stainless steel and black model (to match my new love, the microwave)..... What would YOU do? LOL

The Next Couple Weeks

This might be my last full (or coherent) post for a couple of weeks. Tomorrow is the first day of school, and though we have been practicing our early bedtime routine, it always takes time to adjust to the real deal. I predict tiredness, some whining and perhaps scattered meltdowns... and the kids may feel wacked out, too. :)

Wednesday I get my wisdom teeth out, and while I'll do my best not to subject everyone to pain-killer induced posting, I can't make any promises. September is going to be a haze for me, I think. Fall is always really busy around here, winter even more so, but this year is busier than usual, and it may very well kick my ass before it's done. I'll do my best, but I'm only one woman, folks. One tiny woman with a lot going on right now, especially concerning the kids. I've planned and organized as much as one can where kids are concerned, but the thing about kids? They take the best laid plans and somehow make them cease to exist. Or at least alter them until your original plan is unrecognizable.

As for everything else... I'm trying to organize this outing I have for seeing my boys in October, and driving myself nuts with it. Planning it means thinking about it, thinking about it means getting more and more excited. I plan better when I'm not wriggling like a small puppy with weak bladder control. But, we take what we can right? Ha. I've waited for something like this for too long (a night away from children? come on, those are RARE!) not to be excited. Reliving this is something I'm not going to pass up, and I'm going to enjoy every step of it. It's the one thing I've carried with me for over half my life, and those things are priceless. OK, the feelings are priceless. The other stuff? Those are pricEY. But so worth it, to be able to let your teeny bopper self go ape shit one more time. (Or more, if they add another Ohio show... hmmm....)

Either way, the next few weeks are going to be insane, at best. Posting will be scattered, possibly hysterical, and somewhat drug induced (prescription drugs only, no illegals promise!!) So, bear with me on those fronts.

what I **do** promise is a lot of fun stuff. We are going to have some kick ass, no holds barred fun over here in the coming months. More picture posts, holiday stuff, and plenty of tales from the various happenings of the seasons to come. So, keep coming back, keep hangin in with me.

Welcome to the all new Confessions, folks. Let's party~

Ducks

Just when you think it can't get any heavier, it always does. Do you think it's because the little things start to seem bigger when you're stressed, or because people see it as an opportunity to just be shitheads? Me, i think it's a little of both.

I'm sure you have gleaned there's something happening over this way. I've posted about it without really posting about it, because some things just aren't for the entire Internet to know. Although I'm tempted right now, believe me, to let loose and just let the pieces fall where they may.

I'm pretty fair, i think, when it comes to accepting my short comings, admitting my mistakes and knowing my faults. I'm not big on the whole "oh, but i did this because so-and-so did THIS" sort of mentality. Yeah, there are times when that happens, because every reaction, blah blah blah. But that sort of every day thinking is what lands people in a shitty situation. Or dealing with someone ELSE'S shitty situation.

People need to think about what they do and say. How they treat other people, how they view themselves and others... I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around. I've seen it too many times, from too many people. And if you keep being the same person, it'll just keep coming.
That said, at the risk of even more coming around my way, I think I'm content in knowing some things will never change, nor will some people. And even more content in knowing that Karma? Karma's a bigger bitch than I could ever hope to be.

Rolling With the Tide

When I sink my teeth into an idea, really into it, I go forward without ever really looking back. consequences, repercussions... whatever you want to call them... don't really figure into it. Usually, they are what led me to where I'm at, to that point where I just throw my hands up and say "Know what? This is the way it is, so this is where it's going."

I'm tired. Tired of living around others' choices and decisions, waiting for people to make the right decisions, the right moves... wondering how what someone else does is going to make or break a day, a week, a year... my life. I'm tired of waiting, waiting, waiting, and wondering. I'm simply... tired.

I never know where I truly stand, with anyone. I'm the stand-by, the back-up, the always there when there's nothing better. You know what? I am the something better. I'm tired of being treated as runner up in a contest that, honestly, isn't that great anyway.

I am the listener, the shoulder, the reliable. None of those are bad things; those are good qualities, and not one would I change. What needs to change is the idea that I'm the comfortable place to be when the exciting is too hard, or unavailable, or just out of reach.

I feel this way because I've allowed myself to be treated this way; I've allowed myself to take what I'm given instead of demanding what I deserve. If I give my all, I deserve it in return... not to be unhappy or unsettled because my give is not my get.

The changes keep coming, and I'm going with them. I'm tired of waiting, watching, questioning, needing, wanting and complaining. I'm so goddamn sick of the past, and paying for things that i didn't do. I'm sick of being the one with the table scraps.

It's time for more. Because I am more. Guess it's time to prove it.

The Intro -aka Reasons To Read, Or Avoid This Blog (Re-Post)

I thought, since I have some new readers, that I would re-post the intro from waaay back in January, when I started blogging. I will edit the parts that have changed, lol.

Hello all of you in Blog World. Since this is my first post, I thought I’d do a brief intro as well as a warning of sorts to those of you who enjoy reading people’s blogs. And there’s nothing wrong with that- it’s interesting to get a glimpse into someone else’s world, and I do it as much as I can get away with. : )

First off, like my profile says, I’m 29, have 3 kids and am a full time mom. I have two daughters, oldest 7 years, youngest 7 weeks, and one son, who turns six today.(now 8 years, 7 months sunday, and six for more than a day, lol.) I also have a husband and a small menagerie of cats. I’m an animal person, to a fault, and the menagerie is ever growing, to my husband’s (at first) chagrin, (followed by) abject horror, & (replaced finally with) threats upon my well being should I attempt to add another furry creature to this household. Ever. At any time. In the future. Did I mention EVER? (we have four more cats. haha)

I can be pretty long winded, so when I blog, don’t expect short and sweet. Well, ok, don’t ever pop in expecting sweet. I’m not a shiny happy person, even on a good day, and some days I’m really a bitch. But I’m honest and opinionated, and unapologetic for my views on the world, including my household and the way it’s run. Sometimes it runs smoothly, and other days I’m left wondering why it is like wrestling with wild animals to get anything done. (this is all still true.)

I’m starting out with comments open and I do welcome any opinion, feedback, etc. But, if you send me hate mail, I’m going to post it. In it’s entirety. No matter who you are. And expect incessant mocking, ridicule, and perhaps a profanity laced response. On a good day. And right now, there are few of those- right now is a haze of sleep deprivation, adjustment, and wondering when the hell these so called “baby blues” will go away. Because just when you think they have…. (they did)

Anyway, that’s my first blog. It’s not always gonna be savvy or sassy in here, humor filled or even entertaining. But it will always be real, always be honest and always be where I’m at when I’m writing. Like my life, this blog promises to be a friggin roller coaster… so strap in. (did you?)

Journey With Me Into the Mind of a Maniac...

The title seemed totally appropriate today since I'm all over the place. I was just going to put "random" as the title, but this popped into my head and seemed a lot more fun. Of course, now I have that song rolling around in my head with the zillion other things knocking around in there... **sigh**.

My plate is overflowing right now, and instead of doing what I need to, I'm procrastinating (as usual), and making lists in my head (as usual). Plus, the babe's konked out for her morning nap, so I'm taking some time to plan before executing. Because executing can get noisy, which will wake up sleeping infant and transform My Wittle BeeeBeee into Screamington McScreamer. And no one needs that. No one.

It's semi renovation time here, and I'm excited and dreading at the same time. Excited for a new look, dreading the clearing out of the disorganization... cause, let's face facts, Internet. I'm the "Not So" for some reason, right? Right. That reason would be clutter. I like the idea of a clutter free, organized space. I think I'd flourish in it. We all would. And I'm good at starting to get there. But then someone mucks up a clean counter, tosses something random in a cupboard, drawer, etc., and it starts all over again. Tables and desks are apparently here for the papers, can opener and assorted other things to lay on, did you know that? I did not, but I'm beginning to see that unless I really enforce the organization (on myself as well as the others), it will always be chaos and I'll keep putting it off. I'm constantly picking stuff up and wondering why it's sitting here, and not in the kids rooms, laundry basket, thrown in the trash, etc. And I'll be honest- I do want to throw my hands up a lot and say forget it. What's the point? It is frustrating. Because it makes me crazy that stuff just gets discarded wherever, when it takes less than one minute to put it away. I'm guilty of it too, so I can point (too many) fingers. But it needs to change. So, that's my project- to make it just a little less cluttered. To put it away, throw it out, pick it up. And maybe lead with example.

I've gotten the green light for "re-do" from Jim, and every room in the house is getting a little bit of a spruce, so that's exciting. And it's the little touches that work wonders for me- a new throw and some pillows, new curtains, etc. I want to add color and comfort. This is a really old house, and it seems every year something goes horribly wrong and our plans to redecorate fly off into the sunset with a huge project that has to be done. Last year, we had to have all new pipes, after the old ones froze, then burst. That was fun. The year before that, we had to get a new washer and dryer, and add to the existing lines, etc. The year before THAT we had to re-do all the electricity and plumbing in the bathroom, just to be able to function in there. And then there was all new wiring, etc... you name it, we've done, or are doing it. THIS year, I am making it PRETTY. As I type this, I completely expect the roof to fall in, the porch to cave or the doors to fall off. Seriously. But, with one income, two (now three) kids, and all the overhauling, making it pretty has been a hassle. And damn hard. So, I vow to do it this year. Even if it takes all year. And my remaining sanity. God help us all.

Why am I telling you all of this? Well, because I'm looking for input, of course! Here's where you tell me your easiest and most inexpensive (aka cheap, people, cheap) decorating ideas. What's the best way to get a bang for a buck? And the easiest DIY stuff? Cause this is all new to us over here, and we want to do it right. But we also want to do it without sinking hundreds of dollars into every project.

So, pull out your best ideas, experiences and all that good stuff. Tell me your horror stories, your favorite products and what you did to make "the house" really become "our home." What made it cozy, functional, and fun? And does anyone know the best way to paint cabinets and paneling???

I'm off to clean out cupboards. As we progress, I'll post pics. And probably post a lot of blogs with some foul language. :)