Blerrrgh

Long time no see.. again. I know. It's been awhile since I really felt like I had much to say, and it seems like the hours in a day are becoming less and less. The kids have less than 40 days left of school, and honestly, I'm relieved. Then maybe we can relax, have more time, maybe even have some fun. Between school, holidays and this weather being so back and forth, it feels like all any of us have been doing is putting in time and wondering where the day went.

Alyssa has her state testing coming up, for Math and Reading, so we've been trying to do a little here and there to ease the panic she's feeling about that. I think they pressure these kids way too much at a young age- I remember taking these tests every year and not really being too concerned over them. But, I also don't remember feeling like I'd be a total failure if I didn't do well... and I think that how kids do on these particular tests is different than how they do in school, or on the regular tests and quizzes they have on the stuff they're learning daily. Every kid develops at his or her own pace, they learn differently, retain information differently.... and some kids put themselves under a lot of pressure to do it all "right", and end up doing poorly because they were so worried about just that. So, there's been a lot of talking, of going over the state guides, and just reassuring her that she passed in the fall, she'll pass again.

I'm getting prepared for the end of year IEP for Jake, that will get things set up for next year. I have no idea what that will bring, because I don't feel we've worked as much of a team to meet the goals we set for him. They set the bar low for him... and to me, that gives him an excuse not to try, not to push himself. Set the bar high and we will find his strengths and weaknesses that way. I'm not saying he won't have limitations, because everyone has something they don't excel at, or they struggle with. The key is letting him find it, and giving him the tools to be determined to push himself. If it's so easy he never struggles, he will have no clue how to handle it when something is too hard, you know?

Easter was good. Lots of plastic eggs, LOL, lots of candy. The Bunny did good this year, and the kids had a great day. I managed to come down with some monster cold and have been sick for over a week now... I haven't felt this miserable in a long, long time. It started as a cold and cough and now we've progressed to aches and fever, chills and all that fun stuff. I just can't shake it and it's driving me nuts! I hate being sick, I hate taking medicines, and I hate waiting for it to g away. I'm a bad patient, but I also just don't have time to feel so lousy and still keep motivated. But I managed to keep the worst at bay until after the holiday, which I'm glad for. Now I'm just praying no one else comes down with it! I'd rather be sick than have the kids down with it.

Not much else has been going on. I've been hibernating a lot, spending a lot of time with the kiddos and planning for summer and for the next school year. I've had a case of the "blahs", which could have been this bug coming on, or could have been the dreary weather, who knows? I need the sun, that's for sure! And I haven't gotten to see a lot of it lately- April showers and all that fun stuff. :)

I hope all of you had a terrific holiday, spring break, however you celebrate it. And I hope everyone's healthy and enjoying a little bit of the spring weather, if you can!

Dear Internet

I am not dead. I've skipped a couple days here and there in my NaBloPoMo. It isn't you, Internet, it's me. It's a zany little thing called life and its love of throwing curve balls at my congested head. It's sleep deprivation due to sick child. It's never ending piles of laundry and dishes. It's opening Word and tentatively tapping a few sentences, then a paragraph, then another... and feeling a little of that old friend, Creativity, finding his way back home. It's a number of things, Internet... but it's not you. :)

That said- there's a lot I could write about lately that I just haven't found time, or words, for. Not a lot surprises me these days, but sometimes I guess I surprise myself- in good ways. Sometimes there are things that seem so hard, like they are impossible to get over- like a mountain of emotion, I guess. and then suddenly, when you aren't paying attention, you realize- you've made it. Quietly, unnoticed, you've found the other side. And I'll tell you what- that feels pretty damn good. Bring it on Life- I've done what I thought impossible. I've conquered something huge. What's next?

Seasons

I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee, a nice breeze floating through the screen door, bringing with it the smell of fall in the air. I'm watching leaves drift lazily to the ground in various shades of yellows, browns, reds and deep, deep orange. The house is fairly quiet, with just some Taylor chatter as she plays with her toys and crawls around, stopping every couple minutes to see what Dora is exploring today.
Jake is home sick, but even he's been pretty peaceful today (puking all night will at least make you seem peaceful, when it's really just taken all of your energy.) Everything seems to be at ease, and I'm just kicked back, enjoying my coffee, the quiet and my favorite time of year.

We need it, all of us. We've been stressed to the limit recently, and this lull is just what the doctor ordered for some recharging. There have been so many things happening (good bad and in between) that it was to the point where every small thing seemed huge, daunting, one of those "oh what NOW?" deals. And it's mostly been fairly normal stuff- Taylor teething, not sleeping, etc. Alyssa finding her wings and pushing the limit (and getting grounded) with attitude and responsibilities. Planning for birthdays, holidays, etc- from the time fall hits, it's one occasion after another. So there's re-budgeting, planning, etc., and that's somewhat stressful on a good day. LOL

Now, it seems to be settling some. I can think about baking, about decorating for the holidays. About my Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, all the things I love so much about this time of year. Seriously- I start playing Christmas music in early November, ok? And speaking of?!?! (You knew it was coming, didn't you? Yes, of course you did.) My FAVORITE Christmas album of all time has finally been reissued. It's been out of print since.. what, early 90's?... and all i had was a cassette that finally died on me a couple years back. Now, I can finally introduce the kids properly to even more music from my boys- (insert evil laughter). I think they'll like it better now that it doesn't sound warped and slow (cassettes do not hold up well for nearly twenty years, even if they are only played once a year.)

I'm enjoying the changes. In the kids, in myself, in everything. I feel so different. Like I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. Like this is the time when things are finally going to settle into place how they are supposed to be. Like the pieces are going to fit, not bulge and crack as I try so hard to MAKE them fit. This is the right path, the one we are on right now. I don't know where we're going, but I think that's ok. I think that's how it should be.

Now- here's what we all need to do. Go play in the leaves. Let them crunch and crackle under your feet. Jump in a huge pile and roll around. Toss them in the air. Whatever you wanna do. and then go have some warm apple cider (with a cinnamon stick!) and bask in the ultimate time of year!

Vinegar and Honey

Cold season has officially started around here. J started it (shocker, LOL), and got rid of it almost as soon as he caught it. the kids are in various stages of sniffling and coughing, and I simply can't breathe. I hate head colds- the full, foggy feeling can knock me down faster than the flu. It was a night for vapor baths and vapo rub- that makes me super popular with the kids, you know. they see it and run screaming in the other direction. They absolutely hate the smell of it, and I can't really blame them I guess. Simple tricks, though- one is to rub it on their feet and put thick socks over it. Seriously, it works. the other? Wait till they're asleep and coat their necks. I'm sneaky like that... but seriously? You'd think I was the most horrible person on the planet for wanting to restore their ability to breathe. Shame on me, right?

I don't really know what to say about everything else. I'm a little uncomfortable mentioning it here right now (thanks Feedjit). When someone finds me here by searching the Net for me by name, it makes me a little wary of just who is reading. So.. nothing new to mention here. Especially considering I don't have a sense of who's actually wearing the white hat anymore. It's all about the tone of voice. And that's all I'm saying.

Besides, it's time to stop beating a dead horse around here. Ther are a lot of positives in the midst of all the negatives, and it's way past time to get back to some of that stuff. It's been way too serious lately, and it's been constant thinking, re thinking, worrying and basically utter chaos. Emotionally, I'm drained. Physically, I'm drained. I'm tired of being tired, and tired of feeling like I need to do just one more thing before I can relax. Being this tense is not good for anyone. I need to step back for a second and realize I'm doing what I can, and that's all that I CAN do. It's all anyone can do, really- make an effort. A real one?

So, back to the normal stuff- more pics, kids, pets, quotes, movies, TV, and all that junk starting tomorrow. Enough of the dark and brooding... and enough of TMI for those who don't need it.

Like I said- it's all in the tone. And that honey-vinegar thing? So, so true.

Did I Say "Normal"??

I should've known, really. Today was going too well. The bus brought Jake to his drop off... and then proceeded to attempt driving off with him. They were unsure, apparently, of where we wanted him to be dropped off. Since this is, from the arrangement the principal made, the only place close to home for him to BE dropped off... **sighs**

And it gets better. He got in the door and grinned at me (I stayed home with Taylor today, to fight off this achy pukey feeling) and he was missing half a tooth. Like, his front tooth is half gone, the entire right side. It looks as if someone cut it in half, it's so precise. Apparently, a fifth grader ( one who lives in my neighborhood, one we warned the teachers to keep at bay) pushed his head down on his desk, knocking the tooth out. And no one called me.

Jake says they sent the boy home early, because of it. He also says that he cried and cried, and that he wanted his tooth. Why they didn't send it is a mystery; the tooth fairy would certainly visit him for having his head slammed on a desk.

Yet another morning will be spent asking another set of questions. Especially why this boy (also in the special classroom, they are all crammed together.... totally detrimental to learning, I think) was anywhere near Jake, when we specifically asked he be kept at a distance. Especially when he'd have a chance to do something like this- because it was a matter of time.

I'm more than fed up, let me tell you. It's been every damn day with this place. I am no longer baffled at the low scores in our county, or even our state. The inmates run the asylum has never fit a situation better- especially when a grown woman is trying to put a tooth back INTO a child's mouth.

I'm at a loss this time, really I am. So tomorrow I'll go back in for some more vacant, lights aren't even on smiles and to have all my words go in one ear and out the other. Next time? I'm filing a formal complaint against the school.

Sunshiney Day

I will warn you all now, before you get too into this post, that it may be long. Very long, since I plan on trying to cover everything. So, read on at your own risk.

First, a very late Happy Birthday to Lyss, who turned eight last Tuesday. I'd planned on a birthday post, and still may put something up, but Tuesday was when Flu Bug decided to stop by unannounced for a long and unwelcome visit. Fortunately (for her) Alyssa didn't get sick until Weds. night, so her day was still very enjoyable. Eight was the year of Hannah Montana and High School Musical, a definite sign that she is growing up. A far cry from the Bear in the Big Blue House first birthday she had. I never thought I'd miss Bear, but I do. He was a good guy, a lumbering fuzzy sweetness that owned our house for almost three years, back in the day. I may buy a couple DVD's of Bear just so Taylor can have the Blue House experience. There was something so wholesome about it that is so lacking in a lot of what's on today. And Bear wasn't a jackass. He never talked to the kids like they were morons... or like he was. Ya know?

But, back to Flu Bug. Good ole FB hit Jake first, and he missed all the fun stuff at school last week. Egg hunts, treats, etc. He was pretty down about it, but no matter what the kid wants, you can't send him to school when he's been up 3/4 of the night decorating everything in sight with the contents of his stomach. Not a good aim, Jake. That's the one thing with him you can count on- you won't have to clean up the toilet when he misses it, because he never makes it that far. You will, however, be doing laundry at three in the morning, cleaning the bedroom floor and tossing him in the tub. Fun stuff. Fun. Stuff.

The next few days are a haze of laundry, Lysol and wondering what the hell we did to deserve it all. Seriously- we all got sick. Weds night started with Alyssa at a little after midnight, with me running right behind. We have one bathroom, so by three in the morning it was one in the bathroom, two hovered with plastic bags, and Taylor sleeping right through it all. The first, and only time she has ever slept through the night. A huge part of me was so thankful she did because I honestly don't know how I'd have taken care of her at that point- I could barely stand and the thought of her waking up and me having to lift her at all was in the back of my mind, and man it was a scary thought. Jim came home in the morning and I was all "Thank God you're here..." Which he didn't even hear, as he collapsed on the bed, saying he'd been puking at work. I managed a stream of colorful words at that and collapsed again. No one moved much that day, that's for sure.

And then it got scary, because Taylor started that afternoon. She wasn't fevered, crying or acting out of sorts, but she threw up a couple of times. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could have had me forcing myself up and around any more than that. Alyssa and Jake weren't vomiting at that point (it always seems to hit them at night, then subside through the day) and they're capable of helping themselves to a snack, drink, etc., if they're capable of being up and playing some.

All in all, everyone had the flu. All of us threw up, a couple of us had other bathroom issues, and poor Taylor ended up with a diaper rash from pooping so much. Vaseline has been her best friend- a lifesaver! It coats without stinging, which is more than a diaper rash cream seems to do. No one truly slept in three days and the washer-dryer were on 24-7. Jim still has a cold. Alyssa is still picking at food. I'm pumping my bloodstream with more coffee than normal just to disinfect and clean like a crazy woman. Jake and Taylor are none the worse for wear, and neither of them really were, even when they were sick- one thing I can say about my kids, they're all troopers. It takes one hell of a bug to get them down for the count, and I think Lyss and Jake have been in bed not moving around sick maybe three times in their entire lives. Him with pneumonia once when he was three, ear infections and upper respiratory when he was one. Her with strep-tonsillitis in preschool, kindergarten and last year. I think they get that from my father.

Which leads me to him. For a little background, my dad is 81 years old. I was born when he was 53. Yes, I was a surprise baby. But, throughout my life, my father has managed to overcome some pretty tough medical issues. He has had several heart attacks, a quadruple bypass, prostate cancer, colon cancer, and a severe illness a couple years ago due to his gall bladder bursting without his knowledge. This led to various procedures that took until recently to actually finish up, including stints, draining, infection, surgeries, etc. It's been a long road, and before the last operation, late last year, he had to have a defibrillator. All of these have been very risky procedures and they lost him on the table a few times during the first operation for the gall bladder. Needless to say, my father is an extremely strong man. Always has been. He's as stubborn and bullheaded as they come, and I think he fights off illness with sheer force of will.

But he is sick again, and they are running tests. We don't know yet what's happening, if anything, but each time is a little harder, for everyone. Because he is getting older and his body is less and less likely to bounce back. And I'm certain he is tired, because everyone gets tired of fighting sometimes. Especially when it's a constant barrage of doctors, tests, machinery and diagnoses that are never quite right, or take care of the whole issue. I'll post more about this when I know more, but for now, everyone's thoughts and /or prayers would be greatly appreciated.

Moving on, away from illness and hard thoughts. The house is still taking shape, but we've done some more cosmetic touches here and there, before and after the flu, that are making a world of difference. Replacing a shower curtain really does redo an entire bathroom, especially a small one. Adding a bath mat does, too, especially when the color goes with other things you have around the house to decorate with that just don't fit anywhere else anymore. Instantly, you have a brand new bathroom. Which actually looks pretty... and even has a theme! Yup, I am actually easy to please with stuff. When it seems to fall into place without even thinking about it, because the whole bathroom was a fluke. Seriously. It may look planned, but nope. We've also added a new doorknob, and fixed the dryer filter, which was killing us slowly. It was taking all day to dry a load of clothes, and sometimes even then it wasn't finished. I'm now completely caught up on the laundry, and can do up to eight loads a day if need be. Yes, we had that much to do, we were having to wash 3-5 items at a time for a while there. Add to it the last week of washing and re-washing bed linens, pj's, etc., it was a vicious laundry cycle.

So, that's what's been happening at mi casa these days. It's been a long winter, all the way around. But today- today the sun is out, the sky is blue and the kids are healthy, back to school.... and I am slowly regaining the small portion of sanity I am allowed to have. I will post some pics of Easter and the b-day stuff when I finally upload the eight hundred million pictures on my poor camera.

I hope everyone has been healthy and happy, and those of you who celebrated Easter had a wonderful day, be it a spiritual one of a chocolate fest. : ) For me, I missed my paczki this year- I love me some custard filled paczki and could not find it. : ( Ah well, the strawberry did ok... heehee.

So, run out and enjoy some sunshine if you have it! I'm off to prepare for the kid invasion that is after school. And the begging for more... please more... candy from the baskets.

Blerrrgh?

I just wanted to let you all know I'm not dead, just slowly recovering from the illness that took over all of us and beat the hell out of us this week. Lots of rambling posts to come, lots to talk about, I promise! But sitting upright without the room spinning first is a must!