I'm going to start posting some of the quirkier ways people find my blog. I've done this a couple times before (heh heh) and some of this is pretty funny!
Today's top google search? "did Joe McIntyre invent sloppy joes?" I don't believe he did, but I suppose that could be debated. **snicker**
Top search/visit of the weekend? JP, Mass. Period.
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
12/7/08
11/13/08
Tired Doesn't Cover It....
Well, I'm like three minutes late for my every day posting deal I have going on. In my defense, I have a first birthday to plan, the school situation that never ends, and my brain is fried.
So, I'll give you another edition of the top searches leading to the blog here.
Autumn (insert last name here) Diva - thanks for knowing it, man!
And yet again, a similar to last time- "Joe McIntyre wife". Man, oh man. Two searches in a few days for those things that led you here. I love it. It's fun and funny at a time when that sort of thing is appreciated. Like I said though, not the wife. Sorry to disappoint. Although, if someone had told me oh... eons ago.. that someone someday would look for that and find me, but I wouldn't currently be in that position? I'd probably have laughed in your face.. after punching you in the nose. :)
Anyway, I'm exhausted, I have to be up early (meeting tomorrow first thing, countered with a night of sick Jake) and I have this kiddo who's turning one this weekend... So, I'll catch ya later, Internet.
Signing off,
Not Joe's wife ( I really do enjoy that too much....)
So, I'll give you another edition of the top searches leading to the blog here.
Autumn (insert last name here) Diva - thanks for knowing it, man!
And yet again, a similar to last time- "Joe McIntyre wife". Man, oh man. Two searches in a few days for those things that led you here. I love it. It's fun and funny at a time when that sort of thing is appreciated. Like I said though, not the wife. Sorry to disappoint. Although, if someone had told me oh... eons ago.. that someone someday would look for that and find me, but I wouldn't currently be in that position? I'd probably have laughed in your face.. after punching you in the nose. :)
Anyway, I'm exhausted, I have to be up early (meeting tomorrow first thing, countered with a night of sick Jake) and I have this kiddo who's turning one this weekend... So, I'll catch ya later, Internet.
Signing off,
Not Joe's wife ( I really do enjoy that too much....)
11/9/08
Summertime Wife?
I like checking over my stats sometimes. I'm not obsessive about it, but when I see a new place, new search engine, etc., has popped up, I like to see where you're coming from. Sometimes the places themselves raise an eyebrow. Sometimes the key words that lead here are weird, or funny... and sometimes? They Crack. Me. Up.
Like today. Most of today's hits are Google Reader or direct links. There's one though? The keywords are absolutely priceless, and had me laughing my ass off! I doubt I was who they were looking for, unless there's something I don't know yet **wink, wink**. not that I'm complaining, not that I'd necessarily protest outrageously at the mistake (or the offer....)
Today's top search keywords are "Joe McIntyre Summertime Wife". Now, I am not Joe McIntyre's wife, in the summertime (whoa-oh) or any other time of year. I do, however, think it's one of those funny things I simply could not keep to myself. Because we all know how I feel about Joe McIntyre. So anyone finding me while looking for him... hey that's great. Even if I'm not his wife. (Kidding- he has a lovely wife).
So, nothing profound, just thought I'd share that.. i couldn't resist!
Joe's Not wife, signing out....
Like today. Most of today's hits are Google Reader or direct links. There's one though? The keywords are absolutely priceless, and had me laughing my ass off! I doubt I was who they were looking for, unless there's something I don't know yet **wink, wink**. not that I'm complaining, not that I'd necessarily protest outrageously at the mistake (or the offer....)
Today's top search keywords are "Joe McIntyre Summertime Wife". Now, I am not Joe McIntyre's wife, in the summertime (whoa-oh) or any other time of year. I do, however, think it's one of those funny things I simply could not keep to myself. Because we all know how I feel about Joe McIntyre. So anyone finding me while looking for him... hey that's great. Even if I'm not his wife. (Kidding- he has a lovely wife).
So, nothing profound, just thought I'd share that.. i couldn't resist!
Joe's Not wife, signing out....
11/5/08
Political Funny
I got this in an email and just had to share it with you. If it offends you, please avoid the hate mail. To each their own, ya know?
This is funny!
One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where
he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine looked at the man and said, 'Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president
and no longer resides here.'
The old man said, 'Okay' and walked away.The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the
same Marine, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no
longer president and no longer resides here.'
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.The third day, the same man approached the White
House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in a
row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush.I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here.Don't you understand?'
The old man looked at the Marine and said, 'Oh, I understand.I just love hearing it.'
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, 'See you tomorrow.'
This is funny!
One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where
he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine looked at the man and said, 'Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president
and no longer resides here.'
The old man said, 'Okay' and walked away.The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the
same Marine, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no
longer president and no longer resides here.'
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.The third day, the same man approached the White
House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in a
row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush.I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here.Don't you understand?'
The old man looked at the Marine and said, 'Oh, I understand.I just love hearing it.'
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, 'See you tomorrow.'
10/13/08
When Good Electronics Go Bad.....
I had this title prepared when I signed in this morning, since lately, I'm having brain malfunction every time I try to think of one. Then I signed in, checked some things, and had a brain malfunction again. But, despite badly wanting to use another title, I went with this one. Because although I'm not big on coincidence, I'm also not big on over thinking something that probably really is a coincidence. A repeated, location specific coincidence. **cough**
I have a lot to say today (surprise, surprise) and I'm probably going to be all over the board with it (again, surprise...) but I feel good this morning, and I'm going with that. Today is starting out with hope, something that I've not felt, completely, for a while now. Because of all that's been happening, everything's had that smudge on it, if that makes sense to you guys. Even the most enjoyable moments, and there have been more than a few, didn't completely take away my anxiety. This morning, I feel good. So, bear with me as I bounce around.
The electronics here at Casa Diva seem disgruntled. Maybe they feel over worked and underpaid, I dunno... but first, J's beloved 360 decided to keel over, complete with the Red Ring of Death. And oh my God- the drama of that was insane. Boys and toys, like boys and sports, are interesting to watch. Especially when said toy takes its leave. I thought I was the creative one when it came to cussing. Apparently, I was wrong....
Then, the microwave kicked it. Like, surged, attempted to set on fire, then just... stopped. I regained my title with that whole creative thing.. although nothing could top when the ATM was being serviced at the bank on the 3rd. THAT was definite creativity- and apparently, also very amusing. I put things together I'd never even SAID... and then had to threaten my children not to ever, ever repeat any of those words, together or apart....
I digress (again). First, 360. Next, microwave. In the midst of those, both sets of headphones lost the soft thingy around the ears... on the left side. Both sets, on the left side. And the speakers on the comp are dying.. the music stuff I get. That IS over worked, especially lately. I've never been easy on anything that plays music- I've gone through more cassette players, CD players, speakers, Walkman, etc.... I play frequently, I play loud. They need to keep up with me. :)
This morning, the hair dryer surged at me. I shit you not. I couldn't make this stuff up, people. I mean, obviously I COULD, but what would be the point? I am keeping my fingers crossed at this point that the electronics decide not to continue on their suicide missions. Because now we need a damn microwave, and J will be panting for a 360. Me, I want a Wii, but that's beside the point...
Something else I was thinking about (yes, I DO think about too much at one time, thanks for noticing) is how different all the blogs I frequent really are. From mine, from one another. I mean, everyone I read is diverse, everyone has something unique to offer. That's why there are so many people reading so many blogs, I think- people are so open when they write, you really do get a glimpse into who they are. And that can be pretty awesome. I haven't read anyone, yet, who censors themselves, or worries (too much) about who will read them, or what they'll think if they do. I'm working on that, LOL.
I know that for me, like a lot of people, this is sort of an escape. I always deal better with things when I can write them down. It gives me a different way to process things, see things, etc., and I usually feel better once I've got something on paper (or PC) and I can go back and look at it. Blogging does all that and then also offers the support of others, the opinions... it's nice to get the feedback, and see someone else that's either been there, or cares that you ARE there. That means a lot, and has carried me through a lot of the last few weeks. This is THE place where i can say exactly what I want, and no one's going to look shocked, or tell me to calm down, don't say-do that, feel that way, etc... And even if they think it, I don't know they are. :)
So, thanks, for anyone who reads, even if you never comment. Double thanks to those who do both. It's weird to me that ANYONE wants to see what I have to say about anything. even weirder that a lot of you keep coming back. Because I'm never one just one track, and I'm more than likely going to be completely random, and cover a myriad of things happening.
What I'm saying is I appreciate you. All of you. Sometimes, you get me through my day (some of you in more ways than one- odd shit, that). Sometimes, you get me through a few days, a week. So, thanks. For reading, for coming back to read again, for commenting... You never know what's going to make someone's day. Now ya do. :)
I have a lot to say today (surprise, surprise) and I'm probably going to be all over the board with it (again, surprise...) but I feel good this morning, and I'm going with that. Today is starting out with hope, something that I've not felt, completely, for a while now. Because of all that's been happening, everything's had that smudge on it, if that makes sense to you guys. Even the most enjoyable moments, and there have been more than a few, didn't completely take away my anxiety. This morning, I feel good. So, bear with me as I bounce around.
The electronics here at Casa Diva seem disgruntled. Maybe they feel over worked and underpaid, I dunno... but first, J's beloved 360 decided to keel over, complete with the Red Ring of Death. And oh my God- the drama of that was insane. Boys and toys, like boys and sports, are interesting to watch. Especially when said toy takes its leave. I thought I was the creative one when it came to cussing. Apparently, I was wrong....
Then, the microwave kicked it. Like, surged, attempted to set on fire, then just... stopped. I regained my title with that whole creative thing.. although nothing could top when the ATM was being serviced at the bank on the 3rd. THAT was definite creativity- and apparently, also very amusing. I put things together I'd never even SAID... and then had to threaten my children not to ever, ever repeat any of those words, together or apart....
I digress (again). First, 360. Next, microwave. In the midst of those, both sets of headphones lost the soft thingy around the ears... on the left side. Both sets, on the left side. And the speakers on the comp are dying.. the music stuff I get. That IS over worked, especially lately. I've never been easy on anything that plays music- I've gone through more cassette players, CD players, speakers, Walkman, etc.... I play frequently, I play loud. They need to keep up with me. :)
This morning, the hair dryer surged at me. I shit you not. I couldn't make this stuff up, people. I mean, obviously I COULD, but what would be the point? I am keeping my fingers crossed at this point that the electronics decide not to continue on their suicide missions. Because now we need a damn microwave, and J will be panting for a 360. Me, I want a Wii, but that's beside the point...
Something else I was thinking about (yes, I DO think about too much at one time, thanks for noticing) is how different all the blogs I frequent really are. From mine, from one another. I mean, everyone I read is diverse, everyone has something unique to offer. That's why there are so many people reading so many blogs, I think- people are so open when they write, you really do get a glimpse into who they are. And that can be pretty awesome. I haven't read anyone, yet, who censors themselves, or worries (too much) about who will read them, or what they'll think if they do. I'm working on that, LOL.
I know that for me, like a lot of people, this is sort of an escape. I always deal better with things when I can write them down. It gives me a different way to process things, see things, etc., and I usually feel better once I've got something on paper (or PC) and I can go back and look at it. Blogging does all that and then also offers the support of others, the opinions... it's nice to get the feedback, and see someone else that's either been there, or cares that you ARE there. That means a lot, and has carried me through a lot of the last few weeks. This is THE place where i can say exactly what I want, and no one's going to look shocked, or tell me to calm down, don't say-do that, feel that way, etc... And even if they think it, I don't know they are. :)
So, thanks, for anyone who reads, even if you never comment. Double thanks to those who do both. It's weird to me that ANYONE wants to see what I have to say about anything. even weirder that a lot of you keep coming back. Because I'm never one just one track, and I'm more than likely going to be completely random, and cover a myriad of things happening.
What I'm saying is I appreciate you. All of you. Sometimes, you get me through my day (some of you in more ways than one- odd shit, that). Sometimes, you get me through a few days, a week. So, thanks. For reading, for coming back to read again, for commenting... You never know what's going to make someone's day. Now ya do. :)
7/24/08
But Mom, You're Famous!!!
It's funny what kids can come up with sometimes. Alyssa seems to have gotten into her head, and shared with the neighborhood kids, that I'm famous. I tried to correct her on this, and her answer was "Well, you do write on the Internet, and people read it. Maybe even the Jonas Brothers, or New Kids! that would make you famous!"
OK, I seriously don't think her beloved Jo Bros. check out my blog. And I highly doubt that my beloved NKOTB are anxiously awaiting my newest post on teething, pictures of my kids or cats, or even the posts where I ramble on about my guys incessantly. Or about my pretty 4th row ticket to see them in Cleveland. (Did she just say 4th row? Yes! Yes she did!!! She did!!!)
That leads me to wonder about "fame" on the internet. There are some bloggers who are really, really well known, and can make a living from what they write daily. We all know who they are, I have some over there in my Blogroll. I don't think of myself in those terms, probably wouldn't even if I was lucky enough to find myself in the company of those talented men and women. I'm just a mom who writes, talks about her life and occasionally cleans her house. LOL I don't think I'm changing the world with what I say, and I'm not really trying to. I may try to make you think occasionally; I enjoy making people think, question, wonder and dream. Because i like to think, wonder, question and dream.
I don't think that I'm famous. I doubt I'll ever be. But my daughter does, and that makes me feel pretty good. That, alone, had me feeling like a rock star.
OK, I seriously don't think her beloved Jo Bros. check out my blog. And I highly doubt that my beloved NKOTB are anxiously awaiting my newest post on teething, pictures of my kids or cats, or even the posts where I ramble on about my guys incessantly. Or about my pretty 4th row ticket to see them in Cleveland. (Did she just say 4th row? Yes! Yes she did!!! She did!!!)
That leads me to wonder about "fame" on the internet. There are some bloggers who are really, really well known, and can make a living from what they write daily. We all know who they are, I have some over there in my Blogroll. I don't think of myself in those terms, probably wouldn't even if I was lucky enough to find myself in the company of those talented men and women. I'm just a mom who writes, talks about her life and occasionally cleans her house. LOL I don't think I'm changing the world with what I say, and I'm not really trying to. I may try to make you think occasionally; I enjoy making people think, question, wonder and dream. Because i like to think, wonder, question and dream.
I don't think that I'm famous. I doubt I'll ever be. But my daughter does, and that makes me feel pretty good. That, alone, had me feeling like a rock star.
7/9/08
Some Funnies, for the Gals!
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
----------------
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set
in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
----------------
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
----------------
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury,
isn't it?
----------------
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your
wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
----------------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
----------------
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to
men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
----------------
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
----------------
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and beside s, it is in the Bible that the
man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the
top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
----------------
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake
him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had
missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't
wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
----------------
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before
the masterpiece
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
----------------
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set
in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
----------------
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
----------------
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury,
isn't it?
----------------
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your
wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
----------------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
----------------
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to
men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
----------------
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
----------------
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and beside s, it is in the Bible that the
man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the
top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
----------------
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake
him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had
missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't
wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
----------------
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before
the masterpiece
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