12/2/08

Getting It

Can you believe it's almost 2009? This year has flown by... I know, I've said that before. But it's so true! It's been an interesting one, too- to say the very least. It's been unusual. It's been beautiful. It's been downright ugly. But it's been an adventure- which is what keeps me going.

Let's see. In 2008, hell froze over. I know, that expression has been sorta used for another album and group, but seriously? So fitting. I got to relive a lot of my warm fuzzy moments, and experience something I didn't even know I'd enjoy nearly as much as I have. And I've had my kids along for most of the ride with me- which has been amazing to do. They've seen pieces of me they wouldn't have otherwise, they've watched me find myself and turn myself around in a lot of ways I didn't know I could, would, or even wanted to. I've been twelve, fifteen, and thirty at the same time. I've found that inner fun again, that girl who knew what was and wasn't, the one who knew what she wanted... and somehow forgot along the way. I've learned what I can and can't accept, handle or want in my life- I've found those non negotiable things. and some of that comes from turning thirty, I think, and looking back, forward and all around. Some of that comes from remembering who I was at some of the best parts of my younger life, embracing it, and saying to hell with what anyone else thinks. This is me, good bad and in between. I'm unashamed, unapologetic, and if it doesn't make me one of the "cool kids", I don't really care. I never was one of the cool kids anyway.

I don't know how to play the game. I don't know how to wear the false face, the better than you attitude, or the your shit stinks and mine's roses smile. That never made me popular. If I don't like you, I don't like you... I'm not shy about that. I don't have it in me for that. And I've hit my stride. I'm comfortable with that. I'm good with what I'm doing (though being a blog superstar? Would rock, and I'd so be lying if I said I didn't want to be one of THOSE cool kids!)But I don't want to be in the "clique"- whether it's the popular moms at my kids' schools, the popular one in the fangirl crowd, or whatever the hell you call us. I'm not sacrificing the parts of myself that seem to need sacrificing for that. The blogosphere, however? That's a different ballgame. Being cool in the blogosphere isn't about losing yourself, it's about BEING yourself. Maybe that's why I'm so comfortable here. I can let it all hang out and not really worry about it.

I can come here and talk about my kids' issues, my issues. I can be a dork, I can cry, rant, rave. I can laugh and gush, I can tell you about teething or snot, birthdays or baking. Music or clothes. Relationships, assholes, people that suck... it doesn't matter what I say. No one is (openly) judging me. And if anyone is? I don't know about it. I can just be... me. Alyssa, Jake and Taylor's mom. I can be autumn. Daughter, friend, lover, woman, PERSON. The New Kids junkie. Not Joe McIntyre's wife (which has been Googled at least six times to find me now... it never fails to crack me up). I don't have to look gorgeous (which never happens anyway, BTW), be dressed nicely (or really, even at all.. cause who would know?) or even comb my hair. I'm just here to ramble about my life, and all it's ins and outs. That? Kicks ass. That people read it? Kicks major ass.

What I'm trying to say is 2008 rocked my socks, turned me inside out, upside down and righted me again. With a grin on my face and a better sense of who this chick really is. Let's make 2009 even bigger, even better. Let's get this, shall we? Let's GET this.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

Great post! I love it and I hope to be there one day to.... I'm on my way....