WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
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WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set
in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
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MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury,
isn't it?
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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your
wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
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WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
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WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to
men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
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CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
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WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and beside s, it is in the Bible that the
man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the
New Testament and showed him at the
top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
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The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake
him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had
missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't
wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before
the masterpiece
First up, the Jake man in a RARE picture... he's decided he isn't fond of the camera. So, rather than fight him, I sneak and get an occasional pic.
My favorite of Taylor so far, i think. she's so delighted it kills me!
More melt your heart from the ruler of our house. Cheeto face and all! :)
Dizzle. I always wonder why our cats run away......
My girls, chilling in a pile of toys. LOL Note the cheeto, still, on Taylor's face. She is an addict. I am an enabler... LOL.
Miss Lyss and her cat, Patrick. We **think** it's a Patrick anyway....
Lyss in her hat... we're on a hat kick around these parts lately....
Yeah, he looks thrilled about it... I made him wear the hat. Love it.
More cowboy hat!!!
Introducing Oliver! He is brand new, a little terrier mix who will not grow large, will not howl like a jackass all hours of the night, and more than likely will not cause me to sever tendons in my foot, unlike the previous dog, who did just that. By running into a darkened room- a being renovated room, filled with junk... and with my JMM CD's... one of which entered my foot. There is so a joke there, but I will let that go......
What i got today... and yes, that IS my screensaver. Ahhhh, life is good.......
