Last night was Girls' Night In here at Casa Diva, and we had a ball. I love getting together with my oldest, closest friends- we've been friends for 21 years now- and being able to just kick back with a glass of wine, some tunes and a good movie. We watched “It's Complicated” and loved it. What a good movie- it's a good “life” story. It's funny, heartbreaking, hopeful and inspiring.. I know, it's a movie.. but come on, sometimes it fits. The title alone... we'll just say we could both get behind a flick with that title. Can't you? Because it IS complicated.
What touched me was the way Meryl Streep's character handled things- on the outisde, she was perfectly put together. She ran a business, took care of her family, remained friendly with her ex husband. She may have been questioning, doubting, lonely... but you never saw it. She wasn't vengeful toward him (though he left her for another woman) and her kids never saw the tension between them. And before it was all over, she found even more peace, and a better sense of herself- again, without appearing to struggle. Her children would never have known it. Her best friends, sure. Her family, colleagues, etc? No. I wish I could be that poised...lol. Maybe when I'm her age, I finally will be.
We had some good conversation- as always. And we mirror each other in the way we are dealing with the issues at hand- funny how different they are, and yet similar at the core. We both have a fierce inner Mama, when it comes to our family and friends. Neither of us will sit back and watch anyone use, abuse or hurt the people in our lives. And the thing is, we don't do it with malice, with vengeance, with jealousy or bitterness- such ugly emotions, and emotions we both know solve little other than making you look as ugly as the things you do with them. We're a little past high school, those games aren't appealing. We've been there, done that and already learned those sort of things don't really pay. Living a good life, your own, is what pays. And those aren't things either of us has done for spite... it's just what you're supposed to do. Grow up, move on, make your own mark, have a home, a family... an actual life. Why is that something to be tread upon, to stirred at whim? I'll never understand the need to insert yourself into others' business that way... it baffles me why people would waste their time here simply trying to hurt others. To prove something? What are you proving? What everyone already knew? I just don't get it. I've seen her battling this same thing, when her little one comes home from a visit swearing, hating people in his life because “my dad says to”, and feeling bad. Why do that to a child? What sort of person purposely poisons their kid(s), encourages hatred, wants to pass on those things... from mistakes they themselves have made? And what happens when they are older? Do you wonder why they feel the way they do? Do you look back on the formative years and think maybe it should have been less about the drama and points, and more about raising a healthy, happy, well adjusted child? Or do you still just stick a finger in, stir stir stir and think you have some sort of power? How is that moving on? That's dog paddling. And a waste.
This is why it's NOT that complicated sometimes. She finds it predictable, the things her little one will say when he comes home, and predictable that her idiot ex will manage a way to attempt to get to her during her every day life- just to prove he's still there. People with that sort of poison in their hearts are predictable- they are filled with envy, jealousy and hatred for anyone's happiness. They just..keep..pushing... till they find the right buttons, or the right way to “get you”. It's a power trip for people with no power. It's an I'll mess with your life because I don't have one, and I hate that you got over me and moved on. So I'll throw everything I have at you, especially this, and THIS, because I can.. and what are you going to do?
What we always do- stay a level above, and simply keep living. What else is there to do? People are who they are, and sometimes that's all there is to it. Does it have to be that way? No.. but you can only burn so many bridges, poke at so many people before it becomes so routine that it doesn't get you what you wanted. And it won't... because some people really do move on. We all have a past... some of us just don't live there anymore.