9/4/08

My Kid, the Scapegoat

I'm not one of those parents who thinks their kids do nothing wrong. I can't stand parents like that, honestly. There's not a kid on Earth who won't pull something... even a small something.. if they think they can. That's part of being a kid. Put them in a group, and there's a chance they're going to bicker, nit pick, etc... and usually, there is one kid who gets the blame for all of them. That, apparently, is Jake.

The last two weeks, in and out of school, it seems I've been battling for my son. Tonight was no exception. Jake is only six, but he's bigger than a lot of kids years older than he is. He's taller by genetics, bigger by medications. So they think he can handle the picking, the teasing, the rough housing. He doesn't handle it well- last night a smaller kid (his age) called him a fat shit. He cried for almost half an hour over that one- he simply does not understand why this little boy chose to be mean to him, can't wrap his head around the fact that some kids are just mean to anyone they sense is weaker. He doesn't realize that this other kid? Is a shit.

Tonight, an older kid ( a friend of Alyssa's from school) tackled him to the ground because Jake wanted to touch his bike, and wouldn't back off about it. Jake doesn't back off- it's part of his personality. He fixates, and it's hard to distract him with something else once he sets his mind. So, more crying, more explaining (mainly that there is to be no pushing, hitting, etc., of any kind from any of them, mine included, for ANY reason). Even though part of me hoped Jake would have finally had his fill and knocked the kid back-I don't encourage them to fight, but once they see you crying, they know they can pick. at least tell them to back off and keep their hands to themselves.

After that, they were playing with the little guy next door. they play well together, they get along, we don't have any issues with them or they with us. And when there was an issue (the boys decided they'd name call, both ended up crying, both in trouble) the boy's father brought him over to make it right. Tonight, apparently, there was an issue with the little guy doing something his mom wanted. He lied and said he was, Jake lied and agreed he was. Yeah, it was a petty lie, but a lie nonetheless, and the kid's mom took it upon herself to tell my two that her kid isn't allowed to play with liars.

One, don't talk to my kids that way. Ever. Two, don't include Alyssa in something she didn't do. Three, Don't. Talk. To. My. Kids. That. Way. EVER. So I went over to see what had happened. It goes something like this- she tells me what happened, I ask why she said that to my kids. She stammers that she doesn't want her son thinking lying is ok, and won't let him fall in with "a bad crowd" of kids who lie all the time. I guess that means i should take the kids' supply of booze, weapons and heroin away... **sigh**....

So I inform her that first, she really shouldn't say that to other people's children, since she's trying to set an example to her own children about the right way to be and do things. Then I added, especially an autistic child who was backing up his buddy. And is now crying in the house because he thinks he lost his friend. And because I got on him about lying- I don't tolerate it either. But I'll handle it with my kids, thanks.

That's the first time I have ever told someone Jake has autism and enjoyed watching them squirm. even more so when her husband joined us and was concerned; we got off on a good foot about the kids when we met, and he seems like a genuinely nice guy. She stammered and stumbled some more. I explained I was concerned because she told the kids that her son couldn't play with liars. She seemed very uncomfortable.

It was left that hers was being punished for the night, not that he wasn't allowed to play with the kids, of course not, that wasn't what she meant, etc.... I'm confused, since that's what she said. She introduced herself after, friendly as can be. Why, because she was wrong? Or because my kid is autistic and suddenly she felt like a shithead?

I'm in the wrong for this, but I'm hoping for shithead.

2 comments:

Reluctant Housewife said...

Wow. She was way out of line.

And you - you're awesome for confronting her about it the way you did. Yay for you.

madamspud169 said...

Good for you, more moms should be like you.
My son is my angel, my heart & my life BUT he is also a little monster (sometimes with a nasty streak that he gets from my ex hubby, lol). Teaching niceness is so much harder when other parents do the exact opposite. I seem to be the only mom in this street who punishes her child for doing wrong but at least my son wont be joining in with the cat torturing and bullying as he has been taught to go out of his way to befriend everyone and he does this instinctively now. If only all moms did this.