8/20/08

Dawning Realizations

I have been doing a lot of reading this morning. Taking some advice I was given, and reading between the lines (funny how people hang themselves without knowing it, eh?) with things that have been said, etc. What i'm realizing is that no matter how it reads, I really don't give a shit. none is shocking, revealing, mind blowing... all it is comes down to the same things that have been said and done for almost as far back as I can remember. Same shit (heads), different day (week, month year.)

See, that's the thing. Life is about growing up, changing, evolving. When that doesn't happen, and you are the same person you have always been? your circumstance stays the same, or worsens. People move beyond you, because they are doing the healthy, normal things. Like living. For themselves. Making a life. when people say so and so hasn't changed at all, it's not usually said with a fondness. There's usually a head shake, or even a look of disgust, despair, whatever. Even if who you were a long time ago was great, chances are being that same person, without growth, in ten, twenty, etc., years just makes you immature.

I am not the same person I was. I can be, at times, but for the most part? Not so much. I'm not as easy about things now, or as nice. I don't "pointedly" do things for one to see.. I'll do it so everyone can see it, and let the pieces fall where they may.

I'm a firm believer in turning the other cheek. Until both of 'em are so bruised that you simply can't take another punch. Then, shit changes. Then it's simply an eye for an eye- equal you know? I'm also a firm believer in that whole equal, fair thing. Do unto others, isn't that how it goes? I don't think I've been doing my part. Be good to me, I'll be good to you. Other stuff, like oh I dunno... fucking up my marriage? Playing both sides..still... ? I'm gonna be... not so good to you.

So, let's leave it at this, shall we? Take that do unto others stuff seriously. Don't rock people's boats; you never know when the doormat's going to lose her shit and tip yours over.

3 comments:

Jamie said...

I agree that we need to evolve and change... I always find it interesting when people assume people are the same even when they haven't been in contact with that person for years.

My MIL divorced my FIL over twenty years ago and she still speaks of him like she knows who he really is and the man she discribes is not the man I know at all!

The same with my hubby's ex she goes on and on to me how she knows him better then I do - we've been together for five years and they've been split for six or seven - I just shake my head a lot can happen in seven years!!

I always wonder with people that assume things like this, have they not changed themselves? I would think if they had experienced growth and improvement in their own lives they would assume others have as well?

It sounds like you have had some bad experiences with people - I hope it works out and that life only gets better.

kspinning said...

Wow. Sounds like you are laying it all out on the line. Good for you. Holding back is not always the answer is it? Hope things work out for you!! :)

Whiney Momma said...

wow, sounds like there is so much going on there. Dear, I do hope you are sticking by your words emotionally too. I know how hard the marriage "nonsense" can be, I am sure you remember my old posts. I had a hubs that cheated on me for 5 years (via internet emailing and Im'ing crap) and can be somewhat abusive. A real bastard at times. We had our "come to Jesus" 2 years ago and luckily it has been pretty good since. Aside from day to day turmoil, which I don't lay it all out there as I should... but I hope that whoever it is in your life that hasn't changed gets the wake up call. You are not going to be anyone's doormat.