We've been doing this dance for so long, we both know the steps by heart by now. It may vary, but only a little, as we age and grow, and it stays more than it once did. You know where this goes, and I know where that does. We've been there, we've done that, and neither of us got the T shirt. What we got was experience and a little bit of edge on the other. I'm not saying it's a good thing... but it's not always so bad, either. Knowing the buttons and seeing they still work adds a little comfort to the mix, I think. Ah, it bothers you? After all these years? And some of it's silly, some of it's sad... but it all tells a story in itself. Of time, moments, experiences, hours... months.. years. Of growing up, together. Of knowing someone in a way that no one else ever could. Of going from where you were to where you are, and knowing there's someone next to you for where you're going. There's something in that. Only everything, is in that.
That's the bare bones of it, the method to my madness. For, because of, in spite of... all of it. Funny, isn't it? But look- at the end of it all, no matter the battle, the butting of heads, the I will NOT back downs.... we always leave the light on. Do I get it? Nope. Do I try to? Sometimes. Is it what I pictured, dreamed of? Hahahaha. But the person in it? Is.
There it is, black and white, shades of gray, up, down, in, out and everything in between. The best and worst of it all in one simple word: Love. I can't explain it, won't apologize for it, and don't know what to do with it half the time, still. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't change it. It's given me everything, taken most of it from me, and given back again. I've lost and won more than I counted on, in either corner. Regrets? Sure, everyone has those. But, I remember the certainty in my voice the very first time I ever saw you. It's still there. Because of who we were, what we did, and who we are. Because of each other. And because of who we can be, who we will be. Because of everything that has come from that. Like I said, there's something in that. In all the moments, all the heartaches, all the days and nights and things no one else will ever know or see... Only everything that defines me, is in that.