When life throws you a curve ball, you have to learn how to swing. You also have to learn what sort of curves are acceptable, and which ones are potentially hurtful to those in your life, or to yourself. When it comes to family, I suppose I'm a strange bird- I'm a firm believer that blood is not always thicker, and family doesn't always mean those who share it. The people who share your life, your childrens' lives... those are family. People who have the memories of the first boy you loved, the boy who put a ring on your finger, and the ones who didn't. The times the world fell around you, and they were there picking up every last piece with you, whether they were actually WITH you or cheering you on from a distance. It's past, it's now, it's tomorrow... it's who you love and are there for, and those you share your holidays, your childrens' birthdays.. hell, your any days, with. The people you don't have to dress up for, or feel out of sorts with, and the ones just as comfortable hanging out in your mess of a kitchen while you cook or have a glass of wine as they are in their own.
We have an open, extended, mixed bag of family. We each have sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles. We have parents, children, cousins, and their respective significant others we always accept with open arms. We have friends we've known forever, or feel we have. We have a lot of love, warmth and laughter- and my children have grown up only knowing acceptance, and thankfully, surrounded by a support system that is unfailing.
I push for that. I am very opinionated when it comes to that. I make no excuses, and have no apologies for encouraging, or discouraging, relationships that have an effect on the kids. They are first, always. Nothing and no one changes that. Ever. We are very much on the same page with that, he and I, though we have very different ways of reacting to things. I will absolutely say something, usually several things. He remains silent, probably in part because he doesn't do confrontation. Partly because he knows his wife too well, and knows if anyone is going to step up and say or do something, it will more than likely be me.
I don't do lies, manipulations or one ups. I don't push my kids aside for anyone. I don't do rude or anything of the kind. and I'm done with tiptoeing, tired of his feelings being hurt, tired of the kids' feelings being hurt, and trying not to rock the boat.
So here it is. Plain, simple, to the point. There will be no hoop jumping, no tiptoeing, no anything of that sort. There is no not talking about the kids- they are his life and mine. There is no "including" when it comes to them- this is theirs already. Any being included certainly does NOT refer to them. And everyone can deal with it or not- I really don't care either way.
I have opened my life, our life, in ways that anyone else in my shoes probably wouldn't have. Given the lack of trust and the adults in this situation, I'd have every right not to. But, I did, for them, because they needed it. They needed me to be that person. And I have been. Until it's the same old story.