It's almost party time here at Casa Diva. Tomorrow, Miss T turns the big 1. She is, of course, having a party revolving around her favorite thing of the moment. I'm a theme junkie, I can't help it. With Lyss, it was Bear in the Big Blue House. Jake was Bob the Builder. These were steady, all encompassing loves for each of them, easy to pick, easy to plan. As always, Taylor has been a different kind of kid. She has had no all powerful love, like her sister and brother before her. She was briefly attached to Dora and Deigo, then Yo Gabba Gabba (and oh my God that is the scariest kids' show I have EVER seen). She's a finicky one, my T. But she has now discovered Sesame Street, and she is more entertained and fascinated than I've ever seen her. She absolutely adores Ernie, and is delighted by his laugh, his games, his voice. She loves Big Bird and pays a little attention to Elmo. But Ernie is her main guy right now, besides her Daddy. And man, does she try to imitate him. She has learned to point her finger, to attempt mimicking his laugh (and cracking up every time I do it) and to mimic a dog panting (which sounds a little obscene phone caller at times, but is very very cute.)
So, we are giving her the Street. Prepare yourself for the absolute cuteness of the pictures to come. We're doing her party at J's mom's house, because it's easier for everyone, and large enough to hold us all, LOL. We have the Sesame cake, decorations and assorted gifts that will surely be a hit with the Birthday Girl. I can't wait to see the realization that it's all for her. That's always a priceless moment, because at this age, they don't know to look forward to a party, or to gifts.
I've started and stopped a few posts about her upcoming birthday. I've come to realize that I simply can't write a sentimental letter to her and post it on the internet. I feel that's hers alone to have. And I love reading the letters to kids from moms- I think it's terrific to be that open online. I guess I am more private. Not in my love for her, or any of my kids. That I'll shout from the rooftops. But I am private, I suppose, in the journey I have taken the last few years- especially during my pregnancy and the first year of T's life.
I have grown with her, I'll say that much. I'm not the same person I was when I carried her, or the person I was the first few months of her life. That is a good thing, for everyone. I can't take credit for it, though. Taylor came into my life at a time I needed to wake up. To a lot of things. And she has changed my life, all of our lives, in a lot of ways I would never take back. For anything, for anyone. Having her has shown me things about myself I never knew, given me a perspective that broke my heart and gave me strength at the same time. All I can really say is 29-30 is a very different mindset than early 20's, when it comes to really seeing.
Here is to my last first birthday baby. My special, special girl who makes me laugh like I haven't laughed in years. The independent girl who looks so much like her big sister it amazes me. The walking, laughing totally her own person baby who dances to her own beat (although she loves her some "Single" by her Mommy's favorite guys) .
There were a lot of times I asked myself "why", about a number of things. But now I know. All of this led me, led all of us, to this final piece in our puzzle. This perfect little person who makes all of our days better. Finally, I think we get it. And regardless of how we got her, regardless of where we go.... it was worth every mile.