An anthem~

Another Note

She will be turning 11, this month. Our first baby, our first child. She met her father first, screamed then slept in his arms as he introduced her to her grandparents, aunts, uncles, as I recovered from the surgery that finally brought her to us. She was our only planned baby, our first endeavor into this game of being grown up, and she was a gift neither of us were prepared for or really expected. She is independent, outspoken, compassionate and a complete blend of he and I, this girl who loves astronomy, Stephen King, Big Time Rush and school. She deals with an autistic brother and 3 year old sister, waiting past their demands to be seen, and handled the changes of life with a grace I envy and an empathy I will admit I do not have. She loves us, but loves him fiercely, in a way I can't explain, and with moments I will never explain. She loves completely, unconditionally, and knows herself more now than even we do. Strong, beautiful, smart, and a person completely apart from either of us, and yet parts of both of us shaken and stirred. She is an imperfect blend made into perfection, and everything we wanted and more. It began with her, this crazy ride we are on, and the changes coming are for her. She is the trump card, the ace in the hole. She gave us the meaning of the word "family". And that is more, to us, than anything we could have hoped for. For her, I make my choices. And so does he. Life~ funny that way . Love, a lot better :)

Renewal~

14 years together~ 10 married next fall, ceremony this summer.... Everything we never thought we'd be. I love him :)

No Clue

I think of my son with this song, for obvious reasons to some. What I try not to think of is the Alabama version of this song, sitting on the side of the road in a car, holding onto the only man I have ever loved, while his world crumbled around him for the first time, on a summer night that will never leave either of our minds. Now, you tell me again what the "reality" is. Tell me again what was/is "right". And I'll tell you all the reasons that started right there, in that moment, and all the ones that followed.

One of Many.....

You're going to see a lot of this guy. I swear to God, if I have a therapist, here he is. Scary? Actually listen. Stereotypes suck. Pay attention.

Why, Yes, This IS a Theme Song

New, Not Borrowed, and Not too Blue ;)

I have something for you, the... five... six?... people who come here. I am making you a playlist. To know me, you have to KNOW me. And I warn you- I am a contradiction on every front, which some of you know, and some of you need to know, if you want to "GET IT". Isn't that everyone's deal? "GETTING IT"? Whatever "IT" is? So, I'll let you in on the deep, dark secrets, piece by piece, song by song, thought by thought, as we go. It may be offensive- my tunes are not censored, and some are absolutely not kid friendly. Same as my thoughts :) Same as some pieces of me. But to really have the inner workings of the mismatched, up and down, back and forths of me, it is what it is. I don't listen to, read, watch, take part in, anything that doesn't speak to me on some level. and it's deep, if you look past the damns, hells and others that make up some of it. If you don't, if it offends... well, I'm not you. You aren't me. And maybe you aren't meant to piece my story together. I am open minded and liberal to the point of painting a damn rainbow on my walls to prove a point. i believe in love and freedom and have no tolerance for pushing belief, and am good with what I know and have faith in regarding my relationship with God. He loves everyone, you know? He made us all, after all. But I digress- shockingly, LOL. So, for now, where words are truly failing (and focusing on new novels) I give you this instead....